This is how Privileged Misogynists talk – and this is from
Hindu:
My responses in red.
// “Sex outside marriage, my choice”. I don’t
believe, however, that the intent here is to refer to an extra-marital affair,
as has been widely misperceived — “sex outside marriage” could also be a
reference to consensual sex had by, say, divorced women. The uproar is a result
of the inefficacy of the words and the delicate nature of the topic. //
It’s funny how scandalized so many misogynists are at the very thought
of a woman having an extra-marital affair. I believe the video was exactly
referring to extra-marital affair. I believe the point of that sentence was to
tell the society that a woman choosing to have sex outside marriage (a personal
choice) cannot be freely abused/assaulted by anyone, including her husband. I believe
that perceived deviation from one’s personal code of ethics should not be used
to justify violence/abuse against someone else. I believe that women (and men,
and the third gender) have the right to not follow some unspecified moral
standards of how one must act within a marriage imposed on them by the society,
and such deviations do not justify violence against them. If any partner in a
marriage is upset, there is a legal system in place to file for divorce and
claim compensation for mental agony.
And before you ask, no, feminists are not saying that adultery is good. They’re
saying that consensual sex is a personal choice, and that it is not for the
society to pass punishments which include abuse or violence for personal
choices. Period.
// When the condescending undertone is, “I don’t care what you think”, the
point does not get across. Sexist men are left with the wrong notion that
independent women are careless, insensitive and oblivious to consequences. The
good ones, meanwhile, are left reeling from what seems like an undeserved
attack. And hence, the responses it has met with which include a parodic male
version of My Choice that has already got half-a-million views so far. //
I only wish one tenth of the concern for sexist men was directed towards
women who get raped, killed and stoned to death for ‘adultery’. I only wish one
millionth of this concern was directed at telling the society that what women
do with their lives/bodies is nobody else’s business. In fact, I think this
author’s biggest disappointment seems to be with the fact that the video does
not try to ‘appease’ men, and does not try to make it look like terms and
conditions (read men’s permission) apply when women exercise personal choices.
//When the condescending undertone is, “I don’t care what you think”, the
point does not get across//
Actually, ‘I don’t care what you think’ that is the
whole point!! Women (like other humans) should not have to face systematic
oppression and violence for exercising simple personal choices.
// The video says it’s wrong to be upset when a
woman returns at 4 a.m.. The concern here, however, is more than just the
freedom of a woman to come home late; it is about the dangers fraught in a
society that isn’t safe for women yet, especially during nights. Consequences,
after all, hurt more than choices do. The video, in its emphasis on the latter,
skips this conveniently. //
This is actually threatening women with assault if they dare
to return at 4 a.m. It’s telling them – look, if you exercise your choice to
return late, you deserve to be assaulted and we will blame you, and we will not
blame the criminal(s) for any assaults against you. Rapists and assaulters must
be listening gratefully – when the whole society is eager to justify assaults
as ‘consequences’ for exercising personal choices, why should anyone hesitate
to attack?
Edited to add:
Please go through this amazing article on this by Indian Home Maker: link
// Deepika
would have found more support had she talked about:
A virtuous woman’s
right to marry (against his wishes) a man she has had consensual sex with.
Or a woman’s right to save her marriage to an unwilling partner.
Violence,
castration and humiliation for a man accused of having consensual sex with an
unmarried adult woman from another caste/community. (Because this can’t be made
right with marriage).
A woman’s right to marry her rapist.
A woman’s right to
supplement her family’s income by working in night shifts. // - link
Because then, perhaps more people would have claimed to 'understand' and 'approve' her choice. People with distorted perceptions of women's honor and what women are supposed to must do to protect their chastity. People who don't differentiate between personal choices and forced privileges. But that's the beauty of My Choice - It is only and only about personal choices, reinforcing that no approvals matter when exercising personal choices.
Related posts:
"In fact, I think this author’s biggest disappointment seems to be with the fact that the video does not try to ‘appease’ men, and does not try to make it look like terms and conditions (read men’s permission) apply when women exercise personal choices."
ReplyDeleteYou said it girl. This is exactly what has shocked the nation, that how dare a woman wish to exercise so many choices, immoral and dirty ones at that, without giving a damn about what men think or how they feel, without seeking men's permission.