Four months ago, we celebrated the arrival of the new year 2021 with new zeal and freedom. We just emerged from what felt like a horror story. We thought we could renew and recelebrate life. It feels like a distant past now. Movies, street food, and family gatherings are from a different era.
Today, as we live this nightmare, it is very difficult to put to words what we are going through. The horror of the first wave seems meek in comparison. Although my heart goes out to all those who lost lives and livelihoods from it.
We are awake at night troubled by reality. We are scared to wake up in the morning to discover how much it has worsened.
If we are lucky enough to survive or to be safe, we count our blessings every hour. We worry about the future, friends, family, and dear ones. If we are unfortunate to go through the loss of a loved one, I cannot even attempt to assume what one goes through.
We pray. We hope. And with incredible spirit, we try to carry on with our lives. We don't pause to reflect on what is the point of it all. That pause is dangerous, and we cannot afford it now. We need the energy to carry out our responsibilities, for our children, for our near ones. We put on brave faces to give each other strength.
We find ourselves talking to friends and relatives we haven't spoken to in months to check if their families are okay. We dread the answer to 'How are you?' Yet with trembling fingers, we desperately dial numbers and type messages to find out how the people we know are. People we are used to seeing daily, like our helpers, the shopkeeper next door, the vegetable vendor on the street disappear. Some of them come back, some don't. You assume and understand.
We drain ourselves by keeping tabs on everyone's status. We are tired but stay diligent in following up when someone we know is unwell. We try to do what we can to support emotionally, physically, and financially. Because in this country, everyone doesn't have the same privileges. We have to put what resources we have to good use.
WhatsApp has become the bearer of bad news. We have come to hate it, yet we don't turn our back from our duty to stay informed about the bad news. We see frantic calls seeking help for medicines, for plasma, for beds, for oxygen, for contacts, for information, for vaccines, for doctors, for money. We do what we can. Sometimes praying and living is all we can do.
We have hardened ourselves. We only have emotions left to spare for immediate family. Deaths of distant relatives and acquaintances have become statistics to be exchanged at lunch and dinner tables.
Our children give us hope. We are scared of what's in store for them next. Sometimes their innocence is the only source of joy. We think we can protect them from the surrounding tragedy. We want to do anything we can to give them a more hopeful future.
We talk about what is wrong with 'the system'; what can be done to improve it, to no avail. We don't have answers. We don't know if we are asking the right questions.
We are angry. We are grateful. We are afraid. We are sad. We are mourning. Yet we go on with our duty towards family, friends, work, and humanity, trying to do what we can, even when there is not much that we can do. We try to stay calm and not break or panic, but yield to desperation to protect our loved ones.
Not all relationships can stand this test of endurance. In our grief and stress, we strain some good relationships; we heal some broken ones.
Some events make us feel revolted against humanity; some make us be grateful for it.
We are praying for the souls of those who lost lives, we are praying for the lives of those on the verge of death, we are praying for the safety of those who have not yet faced this monster. We don't have answers to the millions whose livelihoods are irretrievably lost to this monstrosity.
With incredible optimism, we plan for a better future when there's no timeframe to plan, just to get through the present. We learned to laugh in the face of tragedy. We are enduring, and waiting indefinitely for this nightmare to end.
Comments
Post a Comment