February 06, 2014

To the unrelenting frustrated misogynists: Here's the reality you are running away from

To the utterly frustrated misogynists (and/or racists) like the acquaintance of Mr. G.V. on this post (link): Your vent-outs about the arrogance of women and their parents who do not fit into 'your' misogynistic ideals are a reflection of the happy reality for us. More we hear such vent-outs, more we know that women empowerment has made its mark. While you are right in grasping that women empowerment is turning into a reality (causing your frustration), you're masking the other half of the reality under your frustration. So let me uncover the other half of the reality for you (For the context of this post, I'm using the same word 'Lalli' to refer to a girl as referred to by the sexist acquaintance of Mr. G.V):
  1. Whatever Lalli and her parents use to describe themselves ('positive'/''negative', 'lower/middle/upper middle/higher class', 'affluent'/'poor', 'well connected'/'disconnected'), they're happy with it. And 'your' views on how they describe themselves neither affect them nor matter to them.
  2. Middle class/lower class/upper middle class whatever class: Lalli is independent & self-reliant. Fortunately, her parents have embraced this fact and are proud of it. Lalli's family is self-sufficient and that gives them the right to describe themselves as any 'class' they want.
  3. Contrary to what you're tricking yourself into believing, divorces happen in both arranged marriages and love marriages, irrespective of whether they are within or outside 'community' (whatever the 'community' may be).
  4. All the women who are not divorced are not necessarily happy with their marriage. And all the women who have divorced are not necessarily unhappy with their lives. You are wrong in case you are assuming this.
  5. Again, contrary to what you trick yourself into believing, Lallis are increasingly successful in all spheres across strata – not just restricted to the third rated colleges or B.E/MCA/MBA that you mentioned, happily ignoring the rest. Please realize that most top banks in India are run by a female CEO. From politics to astronomy, there's hardly any field where Lallis have not left their mark!
  6. No matter how much you belittle Lalli's designation/pay/company she works for, her employers simply don't care. They continue to evaluate her performance based only on her contribution to the organization (and not on 'your' remarks), which I may add, they believe is quite good because they insist on retaining her in the company paying her what she deserves (be it a 4 digit package or a 10 digit one).
  7. There are professionals in varying levels of income, among both Lallis' parents and Venkys' parents. And each one is entitled to hope for a better future of their children. Every Lalli (and Venky) is entitled to have her own set of aspirations, be it about a Wagon R or about professional success. Again, your say is irrelevant.
  8. More importantly, Lalli and her parents do not care about ‘your’ assessment of their ‘achievements’/'aspirations' (in education/career/finance/personal life). Lalli will continue to be content with herself while trying to achieve what ‘she’ feels is worth achieving based on ‘her’ priorities.
  9. Divorce is not a dirty word. Lalli and her parents do not see walking out of an unhappy relationship as 'demeaning' irrespective of how 'you' see it and they don't care whether/how much you judge them. May be 'innocent divorcee' was coined to give out the message that many members of the society do not see divorce as a bad thing anymore.
  10. Nor is marrying 'outside' community demeaning to Lalli and her parents. 'Your' opinion of Lalli's choice of partner is of no importance to them, to Lalli in particular. She has and will choose to marry whoever 'she' believes will not demean 'her' and she will be happy with. 
  11. Of course, sometimes she chooses to not marry at all if that makes her happy, even if you feel she is getting 'older'/'fatter'. She will marry when 'she' feels it is the right time for her to do so, and sometimes, she may choose to not marry ever.
  12. Again, 'your' views on whether Lalli is getting fatter/uglier/older do not concern Lalli or her parents because Lalli is content with herself/her life and her parents are content about this too.
  13. Some Lallis will still choose happiness and  independence over obedience and sacrifice - irrespective of whether their parents will approve of this choice or not. So Lalli will do what she wants with her life, irrespective of how 'you' want 'her parents' to carve her life. You should start addressing Lallis directly first, not that your views matter anyway.
So, may all you frustrated sexists embrace the reality of women empowerment or you may perish sooner/later!!

Related posts:

1) As women empowerment is making its mark and we have come a long way, let us strive to achieve complete justice to ourselves and our future generation (link)

2) May be the acquaintance of Mr G.V. was frustrated that women are no longer fitting into these ideals (link)


  1. Superb!
    In my opinion this is the best of all comments posted on this topic at IHM's blog
    I don't know if the original writer has read IHM's blog post as yet and whether he will do so and whether he will respond.
    Only I know his name and email address and I will never reveal it.
    I would like this particular comment to be emailed to him because I want him to read it.
    Do you mind if I do so?
    You can reply either here or at IHM's blog, where I am posting the same comment.

  2. Thanks. You would be most welcome to email him - in fact, that would serve my purpose in taking it to the audience it is intended for :)

  3. Dear GV

    “Hell hath no greater fury than a woman scorned”. The responses proves this adage. Quite a hornet’s nest has been stirred.

    Hats off to the young ladies for their robust response. This proves my point that our girls have come of age and can hold their own.

    More power to them.

    1. Thanks to the letter-writer for his sportive spirit.

  4. “Hell hath no greater fury than a woman scorned”?????
    Yeah, that is some line that Shakespeare had to come up with, to make his play sound catchy/poetic. But to take it seriously & quote it HERE for THIS response seems waay too much!!
    So, the beastly (apologies to animals), ghastly rapists who tear out women alive are doing so without any fury???
    Or the gangs comprising of husband, BIL, MIL & FIL are pinning down & burning/beating-to-death the bride very patiently with not much fury?????
    But someone pointing out the wrong logic in a numbskull's argument is burning with more fury than the whole of hell!!????
    Really!!??? Wow!!