Re-quoting from my earlier post (link):
// I really want to know: What would you do if you find your adolescent daughter in a compromising position with a servant? Do you see killing or physically abusing her out of rage as an option? Do you see this as your daughter's fault because she shamed your family or do you see this as child sexual abuse perpetrated by your servant? Can any sexual interaction between a child and an adult be seen as anything but child sexual abuse? Or do you consider other factors like how she dressed, whether she agreed to or not, like this judge who blamed a 10 year old for her own rape (link)? Do we as a society at some level see children as property in which parents have invested to uphold the family 'honor'? Isn't our parenting system lacking in helping children cope with puberty and adolescence? Here's what I think you ought to do:
1. Fire the servant and register a complaint against him for child sexual abuse.2. Talk to your daughter openly without intimidating her and understand what she is going through. Help her deal with her puberty phase. Counsel her about the emotional and biological consequences of having sex before reaching certain maturity.
3. Let her know that she can always trust you to support her and that she is most welcome any time to complain about any uncomfortable behavior she is facing from any person, however powerful she thinks that person might be. If she doesn't trust you to complain to you about abuse, how can you ever protect her? //
Here are some more questions for Indian parents to dwell upon:
- Is your child in teens/pre-teens comfortable enough to discuss with you questions and confusions about sex, puberty and/or menstruation and other biological changes they are going through? Have you built that level of comfort or openness with your children?
- Does your child trust you enough to report/complain to you about any uncomfortable he/she has encountered from anyone (including your family members and acquaintance)? Have you informed your child about any signs of abuse he/she can look out for?
- Will you be an unflinching support system for your children to help them cope with their adolescence/puberty? Will you pro-actively educate them about the biological changes they'll go through during this phase so that they are not confused?
- How are we going to ever deal with child sexual abuse if we never utter the 'sex' word in front of our children?
Here are some helpful links for parents to go through. The entire posts are worth-reading. Please do go through them:
// One day my kids came from the park and wanted to know if what their friend A, then 11, had told all the kids in the park was true. What A had told them would have put a B Grade movie director to shame. My first thought was to call her mother and give her a piece of my mind. I had told my kids how the baby first looks like a bean, then a lizard… and I had shown them pictures of a fetus growing in the womb, even talked about the Sperm and the Egg, and but I had totally avoided the question, asked once and then forgotten, about how does the sperm reach the egg.
1) Reactions to verdict on the Talwars - Some people think parents can't help but kill their child upon finding her in a compromising position with a servant:
2) Please do find out what UNICEF has to say about the gender bias in Indian parenting and child marriages: