tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15343173588876962272024-02-07T10:19:04.372-08:00Yours SincerelyIn My Radical OpinionUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-7012792520601604852022-01-24T04:42:00.004-08:002022-12-14T01:11:31.380-08:00A long wishlist: Reflecting seven years later<p>Seven years ago, I blogged about a long wish list (<a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/02/a-long-wishlist.html" target="_blank">link</a>) penning down many of my desires at the time. Lot has passed in my life and in world since (one word - COVID!) - I'm on the other side of 30 now and a mother of twin girls! One of the reasons why I love to blog, is that it is very interesting to look back and reflect on what we've written about. I'm now revisiting this wish list for fun, to see what has changed, in another long post, be warned :) </p><p><u>The ones that I can tick:</u></p><p>1) Writing a poem for my special person: I ended up doing it the same year as his birthday present - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/07/dedicated-to-love-of-my-life.html" target="_blank">Here</a> is the link if you're curious to read :) What's special is I still stand by it and my feelings haven't changed, which is something I'm very grateful for.</p><p>2) Learning music: With the constant narrative that all cool things in life end at 30, and especially after becoming a mother, I would have never imagined that I would start learning singing (Carnatic music) again after giving birth to kids. Life has its own plans on how it should take shape - we have to keep faith. I've let myself go to explore, practice and regain some lost confidence. Well, I didn't learn the exact same songs I blogged about, but I learnt quite a few classical pieces. You can't match every stroke perfectly with your imaginary sketch, so on the whole, I am quite happy with my progress. Learning an art is for lifetime, and I intend to continue this in future too. Music brings the spiritual aspect to my life and I am grateful to my teacher for giving me the gift of singing.</p><p>3) Learning dance: I honestly I think I've outdone what I originally wished for in this - which was just to not have two left feet and be able to do basic dance moves. Like with music, I started learning dance too after giving birth to kids, and progressed to my satisfaction. Of course I was really pathetic to start with but persistence paid off and I can do 6 min dance sequences now. It would be ungrateful to not credit my teacher who has been super-patient with me all the while. This has given me faith that it is never too late to learn something new in life.</p><p>4) Travel fantasies: I did travel to Europe a lot, and visited Italy, France, Switzerland, Austria, Belgium, Vatican, Czech and Germany. With a series of twists and turns, I managed to visit Kashmir and Ajanta-Ellora in India too. There are more domestic and non-European destinations I'd like to see now :)</p><p>5) Rekindling romance: Well... I got <i>the look... </i>you know the one I'm talking about... from him... finally! Need I say more? :P We've managed to reignite the romance successfully after kids. And that's enough info here :)</p><p>6) Working abroad: What with doing MBA abroad after kids, and interning with a BigTech firm here, this has been a very revitalising experience giving me the much needed step-back to recharge myself. Of all the ones on my wishlist, this is one thing which happened the way somewhat along the lines of how I guessed it might have!</p><p>7) Cooking: When I was writing about this in my wishlist, I wasn't sure when or how exactly this was going to transpire with the schedule that I had. You guessed it 100% right - COVID brought upon the emergence of lockdown chefs like me and now I cook regularly :)</p><p><u>The ones saved for future:</u></p><p>1) Updating this blog regularly: Considering my target of two posts per week, I definitely failed miserably on this one - especially after twins the volume went down dramatically. I don't think I made it to even two posts per month. But hey, I'm blogging still seven years later, and that counts for something - Glass is half-empty :P</p><p>2) Writing a book: Did not happen. I'm not sure if people read books anymore - I've paused on this, but haven't given up hopes. It may happen in a strange turn of events at unexpected time like with so many of the earlier ones on my wishlist.</p><p>3) Perfect figure: Umm.. my views and understanding of body positivity have evolved a lot in the last seven years. So I am not even sure if I still want to keep this on my wishlist because it is against my principles to impose a 'perfect' body image which women (or <i>anyone</i>) must achieve at all costs. But I <i>am</i> fit and talking walks and doing dance and all, touchwood, so I may cross this one off the list.</p><p>4) Taking walks: This is somewhere in between. I'm a regular walker now, with a beautiful park close to my house here and all, but that's not all that I had in mind when I wrote about this before. I also wanted to do longer walks, like for 3-4 hours, from one destination to another, to re-energise myself. And I must be honest in admitting it didn't pan out that way.</p><p>5) Reading more: It's a great time to revisit it now with physical books. Especially the de-addiction from screen with more reading is much needed!</p><p>6) Adopting a girl child: This hasn't happened yet, but we've not given up. Me and my husband have discussed this again. With the twins happening and a lot of uncertainty going on, we're waiting for the right time when we may proceed with this.</p><p>7) Learning a sport: Conventional wisdom dictates that learning a new sport from the higher side of 30 is futile. But lots of things which happened to me didn't abide by conventional wisdom!! So I've not given up hopes to start this one sometime in the future.</p><p><u>What I learnt:</u></p><p>On looking back, it's balance. There're hits and misses. It feels very calm, soothing and energising at the same time to do this :) But the most important takeaways for me are:</p><p>1. Have dreams. Just don't get fixated on the specifics. Be open, have faith and persistence and life will surprise you.</p><p>2. Life is a long journey of learning. It is never too late to learn something new.</p><p>3. Sometimes, it is okay to pause on something and let life take its course to revisit it later. You cannot do all at once but have faith that you'll have time somewhere down the line.</p><p>So I'm all recharged now. What do you all think of my journey? Would love to hear in comments.</p><p><b><u>Related posts:</u></b></p><p>1. A long wishlist!! - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/02/a-long-wishlist.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p><p>2. Reflections on what I want to write about - <b><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/05/reflections-what-i-want-to-write-about.html" target="_blank">link</a></b></p><p>3. Five reasons why I love to blog - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/02/five-reasons-why-i-love-to-blog.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-41480270759350759002022-01-14T14:58:00.000-08:002022-01-14T14:58:01.048-08:00New year resolutions - To 2022<p style="text-align: justify;">Happy new year everyone! 2021 has been a year full of coping with uncertainties, tragedies, and changes. Looking ahead, I am hoping 2022 will give us all the much-needed stability and peace of mind, and put an end to this pandemic. These are my resolutions gearing up for 2022:</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>1. Inculcating a sense of discipline:</b> Generally a very popular new resolution throughout years for many people, I am fairly certain it is one of the hardest ones to follow through on. But the timing for this year makes it even more popular than usual I suspect, because in 2021, we had to do a lot of 'going with the flow' with things beyond our control. The coping mechanisms for this naturally had a lot to do with being flexible and less 'plan-centric'. But in my case at least, this may have gone to the other extreme, which means no emphasis on being organised and having specific targets. Of course, there is some merit to the type-A approach of 'to-do-lists', plans and routines, so I want to bring back some of that and enhance discipline.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>2. Don't be afraid to explore big things:</b> As one of my main resolutions last year was to experiment more, which I blogged about <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2021/02/rounding-up-2020-easing-into-2021.html">here</a>, this is a natural extension. While at it, I realised that it is easy to take the baby steps like watch new series, go to new restaurants, talk to new people etc., but there are some key aspects where we always tend to stick to tried and tested. Especially when the new move involves a lot of change from what we've been used to and a great deal of commitment meaning some kind of irreversibility in a big way. Fear of change and looming uncertainties plus inertia stops us from making the big moves we've been contemplating for months, even with the changes which we've always been aspiring for. I don't want to hold myself back and learn to take those big steps in 2022 :)</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>3. Putting jealousy behind:</b> I've blogged about six inner enemies according to Hindu philosophy <a href="https://have-a-happy-life.blogspot.com/2021/08/arishadvargas-six-inner-enemies.html" target="_blank">here</a>. It is really important to avoid the trap of comparison and self-inflicted torture especially when you're contemplating to try big things. This is not a specific resolution because I suffer from incurable jealousy issues or something :P Honestly, I'm usually pretty content with who I am and have it in me to genuinely feel happy for others. I'm just putting it across more as a detox reminder to cleanse myself of distractions in experimenting with different things.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">What are your resolutions for 2022? Do share in the comments :)</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Related posts:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. Rounding up 2020; Easing into 2021 - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2021/02/rounding-up-2020-easing-into-2021.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. Aahista chal zindagi - A new year treat - <b><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2017/01/aahista-chal-zindagi-new-year-treat.html" target="_blank">link</a></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. Happy new year - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2017/01/happy-new-year.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">4. Arishadvargas - Six inner enemies - <a href="https://have-a-happy-life.blogspot.com/2021/08/arishadvargas-six-inner-enemies.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-47327079564380122882021-05-17T09:32:00.005-07:002022-12-14T01:05:40.458-08:00Bringing a pinch of positivity to life - Coping with COVID stress<p style="text-align: justify;">In these times of overwhelming stress with many we know suffering, it is very hard to stay positive and not 'languish' - That's the new term for what we have been feeling often in this pandemic. These are a few things that helped me cope with stress to some extent, and hope they work for you too.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. <b>Walk / exercise:</b> Any dedicated and continuous physical activity for 30-60 mins helps release endorphins, which make us feel good. So taking a walk even within your building or terrace gives the much-needed refresher to let our mind bring focus to important things and not languish.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. <b>Gratitude journal:</b> This is often advised by therapists to bring positivity to life. It is simply to make a note (physical or digital) of all 10 things you feel grateful for, or happy about in life, however bad the situation is, every once in 4-5 days. It's hard in this situation to come up with that list: They could even be very simple things like not being sick or having a home to live in, or just experiencing a nice breeze in the morning.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. <b>To-do list:</b> Normally, creating these lists adds to our pressure and stress. But in this scenario, we are helpless and worried about the surrounding tragedy. A to-do list that highlights pending action items that you want to do (<i>in work and personal life</i>) however mundane they are is just a reminder that there is a future, which in itself is a positive thought.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">4. <b>Music, prayer, meditation:</b> These are to each their own. Spirituality, devotion, and music are all healing. Whether it is listening to sadguru, or doing <i>Sudarshan Kriya,</i> or performing an elaborate ritual whichever format you prefer, take time out for these acts to get some peace of mind.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">5. <b>Play with kids:</b> There is something about the innocence of children and the simple things they find joy in, that act as an elixir to life. If you have kids at home, spend active time having fun with them. Don't just focus on the 'duty' and 'caring' part. If you don't have kids, what are kids' videos posted in family WhatsApp groups for?!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">6. <b>Watch funny videos:</b> Laugh out loud, watching your favorite stress-busting movies, sitcoms and comedy shows. Laughter is therapeutic.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">7. <b>Talk to people:</b> Spend quality time with family. Keep in touch with friends and acquaintances. Finding out about everyone's well-being, sharing our frustrations and realizing we are all in it helps.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">8. <b>Keep a check on COVID talk:</b> This is not counter-intuitive to the above, or to say you should shut yourself off to reality. By all means, talk to people, watch the news, and read about 'black fungus' if you like. But I am saying - keep a tab on how much of your time is going into it. Cap it and remind yourself to come back to your Life Other Than Covid.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">9. <b>Volunteer, help & empathize: </b>Where you can meaningfully add value in big and small ways, either through moral support and empathy, or financially, or through your contacts, or by actually delivering goods to the needy, or by providing information, please go ahead and do it! It gives purpose to life. But don't confuse it with hours of internet reading and worrying. That would do the opposite!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">10. <b>Art projects:</b> There are many simple activities that give an immense sense of fulfillment even when are we trapped in present. You don't have to be a great artist. Something as simple as creating a collage, or an e-card, or a Zentangle doodle will help. The internet has infinite ideas - just look up!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">This is not going to eliminate the inexplicable grief of those whose loved ones are suffering. Still, as life goes on, I have mustered the courage to talk about trying to stay positive, for our sake and for our near ones' sake.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-39025922806138113612021-05-06T11:17:00.004-07:002021-05-08T04:50:45.544-07:00Living the nightmare: COVID second wave in India<p style="text-align: justify;">Four months ago, we celebrated the arrival of the new year 2021 with new zeal and freedom. We just emerged from what felt like a horror story. We thought we could renew and recelebrate life. It feels like a distant past now. Movies, street food, and family gatherings are from a different era.</p><p><span style="text-align: justify;">Today, as we live this nightmare, it is very difficult to put to words what we are going through. The horror of the first wave seems meek in comparison. Although my heart goes out to all those who lost lives and livelihoods from it.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;">We are awake at night troubled by reality. We are scared to wake up in the morning to discover how much it has worsened.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">If we are lucky enough to survive or to be safe, we count our blessings every hour. We worry about the future, friends, family, and dear ones. If we are unfortunate to go through the loss of a loved one, I cannot even attempt to assume what one goes through.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We pray. We hope. And with incredible spirit, we try to carry on with our lives. We don't pause to reflect on what is the point of it all. That pause is dangerous, and we cannot afford it now. We need the energy to carry out our responsibilities, for our children, for our near ones. We put on brave faces to give each other strength.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We find ourselves talking to friends and relatives we haven't spoken to in months to check if their families are okay. We dread the answer to 'How are you?' Yet with trembling fingers, we desperately dial numbers and type messages to find out how the people we know are. People we are used to seeing daily, like our helpers, the shopkeeper next door, the vegetable vendor on the street disappear. Some of them come back, some don't. You assume and understand.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We drain ourselves by keeping tabs on everyone's status. We are tired but stay diligent in following up when someone we know is unwell. We try to do what we can to support emotionally, physically, and financially. Because in this country, everyone doesn't have the same privileges. We have to put what resources we have to good use.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">WhatsApp has become the bearer of bad news. We have come to hate it, yet we don't turn our back from our duty to stay informed about the bad news. We see frantic calls seeking help for medicines, for plasma, for beds, for oxygen, for contacts, for information, for vaccines, for doctors, for money. We do what we can. Sometimes praying and living is all we can do.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We have hardened ourselves. We only have emotions left to spare for immediate family. Deaths of distant relatives and acquaintances have become statistics to be exchanged at lunch and dinner tables. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our children give us hope. We are scared of what's in store for them next. Sometimes their innocence is the only source of joy. We think we can protect them from the surrounding tragedy. We want to do anything we can to give them a more hopeful future.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We talk about what is wrong with 'the system'; what can be done to improve it, to no avail. We don't have answers. We don't know if we are asking the right questions.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We are angry. We are grateful. We are afraid. We are sad. We are mourning. Yet we go on with our duty towards family, friends, work, and humanity, trying to do what we can, even when there is not much that we can do. We try to stay calm and not break or panic, but yield to desperation to protect our loved ones.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Not all relationships can stand this test of endurance. In our grief and stress, we strain some good relationships; we heal some broken ones.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Some events make us feel revolted against humanity; some make us be grateful for it. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We are praying for the souls of those who lost lives, we are praying for the lives of those on the verge of death, we are praying for the safety of those who have not yet faced this monster. We don't have answers to the millions whose livelihoods are irretrievably lost to this monstrosity. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">With incredible optimism, we plan for a better future when there's no timeframe to plan, just to get through the present. We learned to laugh in the face of tragedy. We are enduring, and waiting indefinitely for this nightmare to end.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-23600764258520701482021-02-24T11:58:00.004-08:002021-02-24T12:07:27.013-08:00Where does gender bias start?<p style="text-align: justify;">Sharing my experiences as a mother of three-year-old twin girls to show how dominating the effect of social conditioning is on us and how difficult it is to eliminate it as it is so unconscious. I want to drive home the point that women (or any oppressed group) do have an uphill task to fight against their own and everyone else's conditioning to break the stereotype. This also shows how skewed a lot of our available art and literature is in terms of gendered roles:</p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. While narrating a very innocent story to my kids about a mother leaving her daughter at home for work, I had to narrate a scene where the child's grand-dad fries <i>papads</i> for lunch. And my daughter's very innocent question with the look of surprise on her face is enough to say it all - "Do grandpas fry <i>papads</i>?" She hasn't seen men cook and the implication of that hit me hard. Equality begins at home, and it cannot be emphasized enough. Gendered roles in parenting are unhealthy and damaging for children.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">On an aside, I totally recommend the above-referenced book called 'When will <i>amma</i> be back?' for parents looking to break gender stereotypes for their children. It is very affordable and available in India and you can read the e-copy here - <a href="https://storyweaver.org.in/stories/27121-when-will-amma-be-back">link</a>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. I was narrating another story to my little girls about a baby tiger going on an adventure trip with daddy, having a lot of fun along the way. This story had a male protagonist (it is so easy to imagine daddy-son bonding over adventure trip in our literature right?). They were unwilling to accept it - They corrected me half-way through saying 'No baby Tigo is a girl. Daddy tiger is a boy. You are saying it all wrong mamma!' <b>It was important for them to see themselves in that light, on that trip having fun with daddy</b>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">In the real world which constantly imposes these stereotypes on us, how difficult is it for little girls to grow up into bold and confident women who are not afraid to go after anything they want? How do we give them the validation that they can choose who they want to be? Our children don't deserve this! It is our responsibility to break the stereotypes to make the world a fair place.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Related posts:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. Engaging your toddlers at home - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/03/engaging-your-toddlers-at-home.html">link</a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. From my mommy experience: Infant & toddler reading - I - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/02/from-my-mommy-experience-infant-toddler.html">link</a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. A moment of gratitude and empathy: Celebrating the spirit of women's day - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-moment-of-gratitude-and-empathy.html">link</a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">4. Bridging the gap: Let's acknowledge Privileges to accomplish Equality - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/03/bridging-gap-lets-acknowledge.html">link</a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-16115242174199037582021-02-13T07:16:00.002-08:002022-01-20T14:02:21.478-08:00Rounding up 2020; Easing into 2021<p style="text-align: justify;">2020 is incredibly hard to describe for anyone. It is like we were somehow jolted into an alternate reality that we didn't know existed. I am aware it must have an extremely stressful year for many who had to cope with sweeping changes, financial difficulties, health issues, and loss of near and dear ones. Praying for the souls of those who lost their lives and hopeful that 2021 gives us the strength to face what lies ahead.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>What 2020 was for me:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">My 2020 has thankfully not been as stressful as many, and I have much to be grateful for. While it was a rollercoaster, the entire year had so many phases to it, each giving a new perspective to life. In 2019, I had no idea that I would have soon started my MBA at London Business School in the middle of a pandemic, moved out of Mumbai shuttling between cities and continents, lived in a joint family / back-to-student-flatmate life, started cooking among other things. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">There was initially the 'Zen' phase at work where I knew I needed change and was very focused on my MBA application and job change to get by the wait for B-school results! I was most productive and calm at work during that phase. On looking back, I find it unbelievable that we went to Shirdi in 2020! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then there was the 'lockdown' phase, where like many urban nuclear families in India (fully acknowledging the class privilege here apologies), we struggled to cope with 2 toddlers and work from home without domestic help. But to me that was a great phase that forced more family time on people like us who would never otherwise spend so much time together physically with our busy schedules. In fact, I somehow feel this is how life was 'meant to be' in the 'good old days'. It's a good reminder to be content and take it slow sometimes. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then there was the 'MBA excitement phase', with hyperactive networking to compensate for potentially virtual MBA, and initial studiousness about the course, determined to not miss out on anything! Then we moved to Hyderabad, and there was the 'joint family' phase, which was again a sweet reminder of how 'good old days' were meant to be, with love, people and compromises, making the lockdown look like something to be totally not bothered about. COVID somehow changes priorities and it is more important to spend time with parents and family now than before, the stress bringing us together.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then I moved to London, which felt like the 'back to school phase' as I was sharing flat with another student, and was more in the company of younger people at a different phase in life. It helped bring in some of the younger energy, positivity, and excitement into me - very useful! Being a mother and staying away from family made me feel like I could experience a lot of leisure and freedom again! Back in India, I guess now I am in the 'reflecting' phase looking back :) And the look on my kids' face when I am back was totally worth it! We forget to count our blessings often!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I am thankful for everything in 2020, and that my family has recovered from COVID (Thank God, touchwood!)</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Lessons from 2020:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. Family matters.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. We take too much for granted.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. Sometimes slow-paced life is content.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">4. We forget to count our blessings.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">5. Life doesn't go 'as per plan', but we still make the best of it anyway.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">6. The things we think are most pressing to us today, become irrelevant when the situation changes.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">7. We are more resilient than we think.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">8. Our priorities have been totally wrong in our hectic schedules previously.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">9. We need very limited resources to be happy.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">10. Last, but not least, time is precious! We don't realize that we should make the best of it when we have it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>My new year resolutions for 2021:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. Experiment more on everything. Don't be afraid to try out new things.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. Be more grateful about life and give more time to spirituality.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. Spend less time dreaming, more on acting on your dreams - Put your ideas into action.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Thanks for being my loyal readers! Enjoy the rest of 2021. I know this post came last, but you know me - As always, with love :x :x</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Edit:</b> After the great start, India went into COVID 2nd wave which I blogged about <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2021/05/living-nightmare-covid-second-wave-in.html" target="_blank">here</a>. But we managed to pull through and have a hopeful start to 2022.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Related posts:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. New year resolutions - To 2022 - <b><a href="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Ffrivolousreflections.blogspot.com%2F2022%2F01%2Fnew-year-resolutions-to-2022.html%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1V9colJ3QZiCgQouPtpYq62NrFbXt3ZzP3Ak0ZjokpsaNWpC3GuSX67wo&h=AT1D8yHFF2mNGHpsK_9PofTyixVoEqBJ2nNviZmHxVbg_Ay7KRT2EumdybqhjXuUt-wPXjK1UeubID-TiIvqnBq71PsH9I7o3Y9hJYis-_Ry3-U9VMHM1XnlZOpuWx0eLUyh7BenQcpd7IDycYFHNbN-eQ&__tn__=H-R&c[0]=AT1jPxII1A3AtLSiWA7V3H7Htjve30JGh19GvAyCyTUGNvMNR4Cwlq8V3Bh5JdPMiqyz14e9fqvm1T7FamwbI9lrDEMxMlxi6SifZi2qz1mwmm9i80yA5gklxTDjVRV5vw-DUI8MEHAK6cTecu6j4gYvJA" target="_blank">link</a></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">2. Aahista chal zindagi - A new year treat - <b><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2017/01/aahista-chal-zindagi-new-year-treat.html" target="_blank">link</a></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">3. Happy new year - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2017/01/happy-new-year.html" target="_blank"><b>link</b></a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">4. Living through the nightmare - COVID second wave in India - <b><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2021/05/living-nightmare-covid-second-wave-in.html" target="_blank">link</a></b></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-25351173002448040172020-11-26T16:05:00.001-08:002020-11-27T02:36:09.443-08:00A Suitable Boy and polarisation under the pretext of protection<p style="text-align: justify;"><span>So SRK can pee in a church in DDLJ. Nobody gets offended.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Minor girl can be <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathua_rape_case">raped in a temple</a>. Nobody gets offended.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Come to think of it - Hrithik Roshan was romancing near Haji Ali in Fiza, and nobody got offended.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>But <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/23/media/a-suitable-boy-netflix-india-intl-hnk/index.html">Hindu woman kissing a Muslim boy in a temple</a> on-screen. THAT'S offensive! Never mind the scores of college kids who make out in empty temples anyway. Reality does not matter. If someone says it is offensive on a whim, it is! You see - it is very easy to be outraged in India for all sorts of illogical reasons. You can be outraged over someone eating beef, you can be outraged over someone kissing someone else, you can be outraged over someone writing a book, you can be outraged over a great many things. Unfortunately, when it comes to the real test where you expect outrage, that is where this country remains mute, like when a <a href="https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/unnao-rape-victim-set-on-fire-a-year-after-being-brutalised-dies-1626035-2019-12-07#:~:text=The%20Unnao%20rape%20victim%2C%20who,Hospital%20in%20Delhi%20on%20Friday.&text=In%20her%20statement%2C%20the%20Unnao,her%20and%20burned%20her%20alive.">rape-victim is burnt alive in police custody</a> on her way to testify in court. THAT can be forgotten, in fact, it's hardly noticed, if at all. But I bet 'A Suitable Boy' and how it offended some people is going to be discussed for months, vehemently at that.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Gone are the days when <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombay_(film)">Bombay</a> movie got rave reviews. Today's India has become super intolerant and it's become fashionable to associate every inter-religous romantic interaction with 'love-jihad'. It was so sad to see the reaction to <a href="https://www.businessinsider.in/advertising/brands/article/is-tanishqs-ekatvam-diwali-ad-being-pulled-down-setting-a-wrong-precedent/articleshow/79134541.cms">Tanishq Ekatvam ad</a>, and watch it being withdrawn. The morons who said Tanishq was advocating 'love-jihad' because Hindu woman was married into a Muslim family, are now beating their chests that a Hindu woman kissed a Muslim man in A Suitable Boy. I seriously don't know whether to laugh or to cry considering the reason for being offended.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Who are we kidding about the direction in which this is going? Are we blind or we don't want to see? This kind of forced separation of religions is going to have disastrous results in terms of sustaining peace and harmony. Heaven knows - this country has seen enough violence and riots! This is against everything India stands for as a country and our pride in its religious freedom.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Kangana Ranaut has been awarded Padma Shri, someone who supports extremist views against Muslims and recommended <a href="https://www.theweek.in/news/entertainment/2020/04/16/kangana-ranaut-sister-in-trouble-over-tweet-to-shoot-mullas-secular-media.html">shooting mullahs in public</a>. But Deepika Padukone was boycotted for showing her solidarity with abused students subjected to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Jawaharlal_Nehru_University_attack">violence in JNU</a>. This government's marketing strategy is executed beyond excellence in discrediting everything and everyone who even remotely criticizes it. They've done a great job of brainwashing everyone that such information should not be believed and anyone voicing such an opinion has a malicious intent behind it. Even more disturbingly, they have been subtly provoking people to bully or harm anyone who is vocal about alternate views. Remember <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gauri_Lankesh">Gauri Lankesh</a>? </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Of course, everyone who expresses dissent has nothing to do all day but deliberately make stuff out of thin air without any rationale or fact to keep undermining the government because they are so 'anti-patriotic', right? So they say! Or is it the other way: Everyone who bullies dissenters has no basis in fact or rationale to have fanatic faith in the government and needs no ethical stand to abuse and bully genuine critics?</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Apparently, asking Mullahs to be shot is not offensive. But kissing in a temple is. So why don't we bulldoze the plethora of erotic sculptures present all over ancient Hindu temples and be done with it? Why did a Hindu God <a href="https://www.thehindu.com/books/A-tale-of-eternal-love/article16373453.ece">Lord Venkateswara marry a Muslim then</a>?</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>And kindly do not make stupid arguments! I am of course against forced conversions. But isn't insulting to think that full-grown adult women are not capable of making religious choices for themselves? Are we 'protecting' them by restricting their freedom in the same way Khaps wanted to 'protect' women by banning cell phones?</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>As a Hindu, I hate the way Hinduism is being re-defined by certain extremist groups. I hate that my religion, which has one of the most liberal and open-minded universal views, is being hijacked to represent idiotic interpretations proposed by a chosen few who barely comprehend it. I hate that my patriotism to my country is being redefined to reverence for one government. I hate the joke that my country is being made into. This has to stop.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>Dear extremists, before you say it let me answer it:</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span>NO - You can shut the fuck up about asking me to leave India, go to Pakistan, call me anti-nationalist, anti-patriotic, believer of 'paid media', pimp to 'Western media', convert to Islam, denounce Hinduism, and any other illogical retort you always come up with when you have nothing logical for defense. I don't give a damn about your bullying. This is MY country and I have every right to express what I feel and I am not going ANYWHERE. Chill folks! I am not the one who is being clouded. Maybe consider for once the possibility that you are the one blinded and get out of your bubble before it's too late. Hopefully, we don't have to repeat history to remember the lessons it teaches us.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Because I was not a socialist.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Because I was not a trade unionist.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Because I was not a Jew.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: inherit;">Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Related posts:</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">1. Yo, What's Your Beef: Sharing heartranjan's post - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/05/yo-whats-your-beef-sharing-heartranjans.html">link</a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-6970805286571945282020-03-29T10:14:00.000-07:002020-03-29T10:14:38.339-07:00Engaging your toddlers at home<div style="text-align: justify;">
A hot topic of discussion in the toddler-moms WhatsApp group in the midst of the much-needed lockdown in Mumbai has been around ideas to entertain their toddlers at home. With the daycares and playschools shut, we often tend to over-do the screen time as we are left with no choice. But even that works only to a point till the little ones get super-bored, or super tired, or super cranky and expect more. So I am trying to put together some tips and ideas based on my experience with my twin girls on tips to engage small children at home in a safe and healthy manner, along with a list of resources which I find useful for parents in a similar situation. So read along and have fun with your children!</div>
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<b>1. Be partners in crime</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">As much as possible, operate in shifts between you and your partner, especially if you're working from home than being a lone soldier in this and keep your house from becoming a war zone with work and kids becoming too much to handle.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Small kids generally cherish the attentive time they get with each parent so preferably partner with your spouse but if that's not feasible anyone else at home can also become your parenting partner.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Ensure each of you gets at least half an hour or one-hour 'me-time' for yourselves as well (for example, blogging is my 'me-time' - it's not something essential but keeps me happy because I am doing something I like).</li>
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<b>2. Go with the flow</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Children are amazingly adaptive and can get very creative at entertaining themselves, when left to their own resources. Let your children surprise you by allowing 'free-play'. It is very important for them to learn to think on their own and make decisions for themselves.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Create a safe zone where they cannot harm themselves easily, and give them 'space', literally! Lot of times, it does not matter to them whether they are in the park or in the corridor outside your apartment, or in your own hall, as long as they can play and are taken care of. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">You would be surprised at how creative kids can be while making a toy out of a simple cardboard box or a sofa cushion. They don't always need special toys.</li>
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<b>3. Teaching children life skills</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">When you have the time and energy (which I completely understand if you don't - no judgements on this space!), there're a plethora of things you can try to teach your little ones to keep them engaged outside of screen at home. I am just giving a few examples to pick on - I am sure you'll come up with betters ones unique to make it special for you and your little ones.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Of course, most basic right now - handwash?</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Do your children know how to brush, or bathe, or put on their clothes, or shoes? How about you take time to make them try to do that on their own? Or start night-brushing, or bathing, if you are already not doing it? </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Do your children know the concept of numbers, colors, or counting? Maybe it's time to teach them a little bit each day? Keep reinforcing it through your daily conversations.</li>
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<b>4. Physical activities</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">All forms of entertainment doesn't have to come from gadgets. If you want to let your children do physical play, make a ball as their best-buddy. Depending on their readiness, they can kick / throw / catch / chase the ball.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Depending on age and readiness, maybe this is the time to teach your little champ how to ride a tricycle, or a toy-skate scooter?</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Even without any additional instruments, try doing simple stretches with them. This will teach them the importance of exercise while you can have fun with them.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">More creatives ones can play music and try to teach a few moves. Too much fun!</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">If it is possible for you, you can take them on a short stroll in a stroller, or a short walk with you in your building to let them get some fresh air along with you. Please don't tout caution and break rules when you're at it, and follow all safety precautions! Stroller is safer in these times because you can control their movements.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Kids love water. Inflatable pools or make-do-bucket-tub. You can put the rest together :) Tub moments are the most joyous moments cherished in childhood.</li>
</ul>
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<b>5. Doing screen-time right</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Keep reiterating to your children to maintain a distance, keep the right posture and blink frequently while watching any video, from a young age.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Treat screen-time as a learning activity. This will automatically limit the screen-time.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Video-calls. Staying connected with friends and family. Do I need to say more? Make them participate and interact.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Gadget time doesn't always have to be cartoons and rhymes. You can show them a variety of stuff like family photos, or pictures of different objects / things / places, ask them to recognize people, surroundings, ask age-appropriate questions them like recognizing what color, what people are wearing, what they are doing, etc. and take the opportunity to teach them different things. I often Google photos of specific real things like animals, or sports, natural phenomenon like rainbows etc. when I am explaining to them something from a book, or otherwise.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Keep a variety, and try to make it engaging - by pointing to new things as they come up on the screen. Ask them questions about what is going on during or after each short video. This way, you can reinforce their knowledge, and kids love to show off what they know anyway :)</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Try to draw parallel examples to what you observe happening in daily life and remark on that during screentime or later. This makes the children engage in conversations and absorb what is going on. For example - 'see the small baby is sleeping with mamma, just like you do'.</li>
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<b>6. Book-time and story-time</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">At the risk of sounding prudish, I would say books are one of the best ways to engage children. I have written my first post on book reviews for young readers here - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/02/from-my-mommy-experience-infant-toddler.html">link</a></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Keep a mix of books, in terms of languages (include your mother-tongue) and formats (board books, lift-the-flap, flip-the-page, pictorial, text-heavy, cartoons, stories, etc.). Variety is good.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">When children are ready, keep highlighting the text you're reading from the book with your finger. It's just to teach them to pay attention to text from an early age.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Stand-alone story narration without any book is also great, if you have the time and energy for it. Be expressive when you're narrating, and try to make it relatable. Encourage your child to emote and express too.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">You don't have to rack your heads on story ideas. Yan make-up stories simply based on incidents in the day, or things your kids like.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Engage children by asking them questions and hearing them out - this applies for any activity. Depending on their readiness, you can make them recognize various colors, objects, letters in the book and / or answer questions on the story narrative.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">If your children are talking already, encourage them to narrate their own stories. Help them with a start 'Once upon a time..' and nudge them with follow-up questions so that they can make up their own stories. Show you're interested - you know how much they love that!</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Encouraging children to simply listen without visuals to stories, or poems, or music, or other appropriate material is also a great habit. It helps build concentration, and is perhaps a great pre-bedtime-routine. There is a lot of material available on Kindle and on various apps for that.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">If your kids have started talking, sky is the limit. You can make them recite poems, songs, rhymes, alphabet, numbers, and a variety of material - and teach them loads of stuff to pass time. Recitation helps develop their speech and pronunciation quickly.</li>
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<b>7. Toy-time</b></div>
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<li>This is a no-brainer. Just temper it right. Small kids get weary of toys quickly. Every mom I know follows the trick of hiding old toys for days before positioning them as fresh ones to generate excitement about them again in kids.</li>
<li>Also, giving limited toys at a time makes children focus and explore the toy better than being overwhelmed with too many at a time. While we cannot completely avoid it, we all don't want the only toy activity for our kids to throw them around or engage with them destructively :) Limiting the number of toys they're playing with at a time helps (to some extent!).</li>
<li>Blocks can keep children entertained for hours. Classic Lego is worth it even if it's expensive.</li>
<li>Who hasn't played with kitchen toys in childhood? Kitchen toys are inexpensive and from my experience with my daughters, keep them engaged for a long time. Don't gender the toys, and let your son play with them too.</li>
<li>Friction toys and 'key toys' are very popular with young toddlers. My daughters have somehow taken to soft toys only recently, when they have developed a sense of role-play (changing their dolly's diaper!). Earlier, they were not so fascinated by soft toys to play with them for a long time. Not sure if this is universal, but if the tip helps you, give age-appropriate toys to your little ones. And you can encourage role-play too :)</li>
<li>Roleplay sets, like the doctor's set, or a toy-toolkit, or musical toys, are also great to engage small children. Again, try not to give too many toys at a time.</li>
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<b>8. Activity time</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Even without any special activity kits, you can make activities out of daily aspects. You can make them sort their toys like asking them to put them in a bag or a box. It's great to teach them to clean up.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Take them through your daily tasks - may be try to take them through cooking rice, or making rotis, or folding clothes etc. Or show them the keys on your laptop and make them recognize alphabet.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Discover the unexplored corners and objects in your house, those old photo albums, what's special about each show-piece in your living room, or simply your jewelry collection with your kids. Or explore the fruits and veggies or different items in your kitchen. They will find it fascinating.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Get creative - Design activities to strengthen their skills. Ask them to search for a specific object to improve recognition, or pick up things with a cloth for fine-tuning motor skills, or make them mock-mop a surface for fun :)</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Kids love coloring and doodling. Cotton balls, crumpled paper, toothbrush, finger, sponge, crayons, slate and pencil can all be used. You can create organic colors using turmeric, or kumkum, or beetroot too.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">If you don't have playdough, you can make safe play-dough using <i>atta</i> (flour) adding any home ingredients for giving colors.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Age-appropriate sorting, shape, stacking, jig-saw puzzles are all good fun.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">If you have the energy, you can even make them do mini-craftwork at home for which there are zillions of ideas online. I honestly don't have the energy for this :)</li>
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<b>9. Conversations</b><br />
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<li>Above everything else, your children value your attention the most, though you may not able to give much of it during this time with all the chores piled up on top of probably working from home. Still try to listen, appreciate and respond to them to the extent possible. That beats any activity.</li>
<li>When you're spending quality time, incorporate role-plays and play <i>with</i> them. My daughters love it when I mimic them and pretend that they're the 'mamma' and I am the 'baby'.</li>
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<b>A few resources for getting more ideas on activities:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Got this video forward on WhatsApp - hilarious, entertaining and highly creative. Unable to trace or link to source - please share the link if you know the source:</li>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dygwXQeCM5WRJirz-TGRmtok2sEzShM-9C-_BRy_EMJbQWRgmRv_Kt3iIWMXA9lg3g6y-ToMO8O2Ci8HmU3YQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<li>Delivery is currently stopped given the current situation, but when available the Intellikit - <a href="https://www.firstcry.com/intellikit?q=ard_intellikit&ref2=q_ard_intellikit&asid=37955">link</a> is very engaging and useful packed with activities.</li>
<li>Babycenter India has great resources for infants - <a href="https://www.babycenter.in/c25004199/games-to-play-with-your-baby-week-by-week">link</a>, <a href="https://www.babycenter.com/0_20-fun-silly-development-boosting-games-to-play-with-your-ba_1479310.bc">link</a> and toddlers as well - <a href="https://www.babycenter.in/c557036/toddler-games-and-play">link</a>, <a href="https://www.babycenter.in/a1050389/how-to-keep-an-active-toddler-occupied-indoors">link</a> and <a href="https://www.babycenter.in/l25014199/11-fun-things-to-do-as-a-family-photos">link</a>.</li>
<li>Audible has made a lot of audiobooks for kids available for free - <a href="https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/editors-choice-book-reviews/a31401009/audible-stories-free-childrens-audio-books/">link</a>. There are loads of additional apps with kids content on Playstore as well for both English and other languages.</li>
<li>There is a lot of online tutoring material available now for home-tutoring, like this - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K6YSmf0HdU">link</a>; and a lot of engaging video content like the popular Dave & Ava, Peppa etc..</li>
<li>Google 3D search - <a href="https://9to5google.com/2020/03/28/google-3d-animals-list/">link</a> has become viral today given kids are in lockdown with parents. It doesn't work on some phones, but if you can make it work, it's amazing to have a tiger or a lion in your living room next to your kid. Do try.</li>
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Happy parenting! Stay safe!</div>
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<br />
<b>Related posts:</b><br />
1. From my mommy experience: Infant & toddler reading - I - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/02/from-my-mommy-experience-infant-toddler.html">link</a><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-85737196408620823812020-03-07T23:22:00.002-08:002020-03-07T23:22:44.725-08:00Bridging the Gap: Let's acknowledge Privileges to accomplish Equality<div style="text-align: justify;">
Earlier, I have written about my gratitude towards women who have struggled to break the norms throughout history to achieve something like equality that we have today, women have given us voice and women who continue this struggle to make lives better for us. I want to re-share the post here first because that to me is the essence of celebrating women's day:</div>
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<b>A moment of gratitude and empathy: Celebrating the spirit of Women's Day - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-moment-of-gratitude-and-empathy.html">link</a></b></div>
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I promised to continue to endure and carry on with the struggle. This time, I am calling upon people of all genders to introspect and acknowledge the different privileges each of us have, so that we can understand and bridge the gap between equality and marginalization. Understanding privilege is important - because every inch of our privilege is bought with suppressing a part of our own humanity. Privilege tells us lies to suppress the acceptance that marginalization and oppression are the inevitable foot-holders of privilege, that privilege cannot exist by definition without the existence of someone who is deprived of that privilege.</div>
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Starting with me, I understand I am marginalized because of my gender. But I also want to acknowledge all the privileges that I have to extend the outreach of my feminism to those who are more marginalized than me.</div>
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I am privileged because of my Caste (so-called 'forward caste').</div>
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I am privileged because of my Religion (so-called 'majoritarian religion').</div>
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I am privileged because of my Abled-body (no physical or mental disabilities).</div>
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I am privileged because of my Skin-color (so-called 'fair-skinned').</div>
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I am privileged because of my Education.</div>
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I am privileged because of my Sexuality.</div>
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I am privileged because of my Social Status (conventionally 'successfully married with children').</div>
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I am privileged because of my Income.</div>
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I am privileged because of my Weight (so-called 'not obese'. Fat-hatred which is prevalent these days is shocking - that deserves a separate post of its own).</div>
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I am privileged because of my Family background (educated parents with government jobs).</div>
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I am privileged because of my City (metro-urban).</div>
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I am privileged because of my Country (stable democracy with reasonable liberties).</div>
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When we understand our Privilege, we get better at perceiving Oppression, and consequently, at embracing empathy and Equality. I understand that as I write, there are millions of people including women in the world who are not privileged, and I am telling them that my solidarity remains with them in their battle against Oppression.</div>
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<b><u>Related post:</u></b></div>
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<b>A moment of gratitude and empathy: Celebrating the spirit of Women's Day - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-moment-of-gratitude-and-empathy.html">link</a></b></div>
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<b><u>Recommended reading:</u></b></div>
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<b>Feminism 101 - <a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2010/01/feminism-101.html">link</a></b></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-62139450609970094012020-03-01T03:06:00.003-08:002020-03-01T03:06:51.651-08:00Women can be heroesCan we have some of these women as characters in Indian cinema please:<br />
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<b>Vidharbha Woman Wicketkeeper Catches a Burglar Barehanded, Praised by Police</b> - <a href="https://www.crictracker.com/vidarbha-woman-wicketkeeper-catches-a-burglar-barehanded-praised-by-police/">link</a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-42207528662817097222020-02-25T04:55:00.000-08:002020-03-29T10:15:48.041-07:00From my mommy experience: Infant & toddler reading - I<div style="text-align: justify;">
We all know the importance of inculcating early reading habits in children and why it is important for their holistic development and so on and so forth. No sermons here. As a twin mom, I know reading for babies is incredibly fun for both kids and parents. However, one often doesn't know where to begin and a lot of the classic reading material recommended for children below 5 years of age is either very expensive or less available for Indians. So I am sharing book reviews based on my practical experience with my children. </div>
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1. <b>Where Is Baby's Mommy?</b><b> </b>by Karen Katz</div>
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This lift-the-flap book with lovely pictures about baby searching for mommy at different places in the house, and discovering his toys, ending on a beautiful note with baby finding mommy makes for a perfect first book to introduce the concept of 'books' to a child. It was a great hit with my infants. Karen Katz is a must-to-have author in the beginner reader's library. Arm yourself with scotch-tape however, and be prepared for the flap to be played with to the point of destruction :) I would highly recommend this as a beginner book, because of the endearing subject and the playful format.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibAWx3MLy0_rXIbsXYDMehPCA4nrE-53eNDUxHExSzyVza8zzTjme6JnoB_cgcLf0FlH1QWy2f5L4DFPjUjk_zLiNr-G9ZQa2SR-dY183OqOwnqOazpPh1x5qlad4yZfienUgJhMUIMUjY/s1600/where-is-baby-s-mommy-original-imafbthexh6jszgr.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="374" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibAWx3MLy0_rXIbsXYDMehPCA4nrE-53eNDUxHExSzyVza8zzTjme6JnoB_cgcLf0FlH1QWy2f5L4DFPjUjk_zLiNr-G9ZQa2SR-dY183OqOwnqOazpPh1x5qlad4yZfienUgJhMUIMUjY/s320/where-is-baby-s-mommy-original-imafbthexh6jszgr.jpeg" width="287" /></a></div>
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When to introduce: 6 months - 1 year (when baby can sit up and can say 'mamma' or 'mommy')</div>
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Availability: Easily available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Where-Babys-Mommy-Lift-Flap/dp/0689835612/ref=asc_df_0689835612/?tag=googleshopdes-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=397010645911&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3799662989324696596&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007785&hvtargid=pla-433840455307&psc=1&ext_vrnc=hi">link</a>) and Flipkart (<a href="https://www.flipkart.com/where-is-baby-s-mommy/p/itmf3gjabf2yjzqe?pid=9780689835612&lid=LSTBOK9780689835612H1DEMC&marketplace=FLIPKART&cmpid=content_book_8003060057_u_8965229628_gmc_pla&tgi=sem,1,G,11214002,u,,,395332127672,,,,c,,,,,,,&ef_id=EAIaIQobChMIm_L7wcfu5wIVBWoqCh0Txg0EEAYYAyABEgKG9vD_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!739!3!395332127672!!!u!295092701166!&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm_L7wcfu5wIVBWoqCh0Txg0EEAYYAyABEgKG9vD_BwE">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Medium (Rs. 200 - 400)</div>
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Rating: 10 / 10</div>
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2. <b>Where is Baby's Belly Button?</b><b> </b>by Karen Katz</div>
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Another of Karen Katz's adorable lift-the-flap books, this one is a cute way to discover different parts of the baby hidden behind different objects. Great to help children recognize and relate with body parts and fun to explore the flap. My kids loved it, though I introduced it to them when they were getting a little old for the simple storyline. Still Karen Katz is a safe bet in terms of likeability with kids and worth-having. However, you can choose any of her other little treasures over this if you find that to be more interesting in terms of content.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbFLGry-KC6fB4V2tjZ81UdK-7LwiESjMWO8qqIe1csDHcRpQUftE7iTCxujhXK2NlB8-NidBXds7jqhmT6gS_LlrBiwWVGBxIqY47cYfRs6bscLQ3Z-VCMP0s6FOYnMrslRW9bbGstoBh/s1600/where-is-baby-s-belly-button-original-imafcs4gmme5xyqd.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="374" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbFLGry-KC6fB4V2tjZ81UdK-7LwiESjMWO8qqIe1csDHcRpQUftE7iTCxujhXK2NlB8-NidBXds7jqhmT6gS_LlrBiwWVGBxIqY47cYfRs6bscLQ3Z-VCMP0s6FOYnMrslRW9bbGstoBh/s320/where-is-baby-s-belly-button-original-imafcs4gmme5xyqd.jpeg" width="287" /></a></div>
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When to introduce: 8 months - 1 year (when baby is being introduced to body parts)</div>
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Availability: Easily available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Where-Babys-Belly-Button-Karen/dp/0689835604/ref=asc_df_0689835604/?tag=googleshopdes-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=397080492854&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7244351369346100793&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007785&hvtargid=pla-435475859688&psc=1&ext_vrnc=hi">link</a>) and Flipkart (<a href="https://www.flipkart.com/baby-s-belly-button/p/itmf4y4endmtjexe?pid=9780689835605&lid=LSTBOK9780689835605PUQ4SZ&marketplace=FLIPKART&fm=productRecommendation%2Fsimilar&iid=R%3As%3Bp%3A9780689835612%3Bl%3ALSTBOK9780689835612H1DEMC%3Bpt%3App%3Buid%3A625f1eb1-f17e-35d1-7fa6-dee14afb3e5b%3B.9780689835605&ppt=pp&ppn=pp&ssid=ybaaa9e3xs0000001582617478174&otracker=pp_reco_Similar%2BProducts_10_Similar%2BProducts_9780689835605_productRecommendation%2Fsimilar_9&otracker1=pp_reco_NA_productRecommendation%2Fsimilar_Similar%2BProducts_DESKTOP_HORIZONTAL_productCard_cc_10_NA_view-all&cid=9780689835605">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Medium (Rs. 200 - 400; Not sure why there's a significant price difference between Flipkart and Amazon - please check the format. Simple board book will do)</div>
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Rating: 8 / 10</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">3. </span><b style="text-align: justify;">The Very Hungry Caterpillar </b><b style="text-align: justify;"> </b><span style="text-align: justify;">by Eric Carle</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">A much-recommended classic, this one is meant to be a great hit with new readers. Eric Carle's concepts work very well for kids and this book is available in a variety of interesting formats. I would suggest the big board book format with holes which make it interesting for kids to explore. It is filled with colorful pictures, about the caterpillar's journey for one week, taking the kids through different types of food and counting. I fell behind in introducing this book to my kids at an early age because of which it didn't click with them as well as expected. I think they got too old for it, though I had great success with other Eric Carle's classics. I would still recommend this as a must-have for beginner's reading and suggest introducing it early on.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIiCfphII7sQunBRldBa-1uCcdNdqfo0LvKq7QuZpYBbbGyTetzCG9nOTExsCVdxxcK4Bus9G9ROrfsC8KkYQRy7rDmmm2yREh4I6y7SGTfR2emWOQwTIwTVDPGsoaybAMCC1o9ISqtQW8/s1600/the-very-hungry-caterpillar-original-imaf5w9g9rbtgzqh.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="296" data-original-width="416" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIiCfphII7sQunBRldBa-1uCcdNdqfo0LvKq7QuZpYBbbGyTetzCG9nOTExsCVdxxcK4Bus9G9ROrfsC8KkYQRy7rDmmm2yREh4I6y7SGTfR2emWOQwTIwTVDPGsoaybAMCC1o9ISqtQW8/s320/the-very-hungry-caterpillar-original-imaf5w9g9rbtgzqh.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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When to introduce: 6 months - 1 year (when baby can sit up)</div>
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Availability: Easily available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Very-Hungry-Caterpillar-Board-Book/dp/0141338482/ref=asc_df_0141338482/?tag=googleshopdes-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=396987615825&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13222124194194601982&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007785&hvtargid=pla-454954701560&psc=1&ext_vrnc=hi">link</a>) and Flipkart (<a href="https://www.flipkart.com/very-hungry-caterpillar/p/itmfby2dy6muj35f">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Medium (Rs. 200 - 400; varies across format)</div>
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Rating: 8 / 10</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">4. <b>Haha And Hehe Have Fun</b> from Om Books</span></div>
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This simple illustrated paper-back story-book is a great hit with my kids! They thoroughly enjoyed this book. In this book, Haha and Hehe explore what 'fun' is and enact activities which are 'fun' for them. Toddlers would love this because they would agree with Haha and Hehe on what 'fun' is :) Definitely recommended for the toddler library. I suggest including enactment in the narration to make it 'fun' for your kids.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_QLRO_acLC6RE8IfdqV0AjxDBdls82N2oyDy8M5zJ5Yww0sw64uHyHBF80g6l-VcNMOuuxTaSsIKKmo1z6q0EdU-fXE0KhSA9nsgaq2qTt1V1bXocYNNBZUkBYZX_40EMvqi-FFXmKhc/s1600/39107374._SY475_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="304" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_QLRO_acLC6RE8IfdqV0AjxDBdls82N2oyDy8M5zJ5Yww0sw64uHyHBF80g6l-VcNMOuuxTaSsIKKmo1z6q0EdU-fXE0KhSA9nsgaq2qTt1V1bXocYNNBZUkBYZX_40EMvqi-FFXmKhc/s320/39107374._SY475_.jpg" width="204" /></a></div>
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When to introduce: 12 - 24 months (toddler phase - when kids are introduced to recognizing activities from pictures)</div>
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Availability: Available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Haha-Hehe-Have-Fun-Read/dp/9384625019">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Low (below Rs. 200)</div>
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Rating: 10 / 10</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">5. <b>Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?</b> by Eric Carle</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">This is a very dear classic for my children who loved, loved and loved this book - It has the highest number of repeat-requests from them so far! It is a great book to engage children in the story as it follows a Q&A format posing each animal a question on what it sees, which is followed by another animal in the next page. Great way to introduce children to recognizing different animals / creatures and colors through a story-like format. Must-have book in the toddler library. It can be introduced from the beginner phase or later as well - Even preschoolers would enjoy narrating the story by themselves as the format is easy to grasp. Eric Carle knows how to engage children. You can also check out Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? </span><span style="text-align: justify;">(<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/598160.Polar_Bear_Polar_Bear_What_Do_You_Hear_">link</a>) </span><span style="text-align: justify;">by Eric Carle which is equally popular. I didn't get a chance to try it out as I couldn't find a pocket-friendly version of it to buy in India.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl5_x8I8QRtYjCjtK0PyBx-O2phPq9lBZ5VNHrJyL2KdRwQxpV5zb_UeNFU6mENUquUJnON84JtX9s1DVN_6KTl2sMqTJ9LDBibXZ3zE2sFhgtTBq5FKaI-k-5KrB-hSL_yQv615-pngZ1/s1600/brown-bear-brown-bear-what-do-you-see-original-imaef9gyy3nuawhf.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl5_x8I8QRtYjCjtK0PyBx-O2phPq9lBZ5VNHrJyL2KdRwQxpV5zb_UeNFU6mENUquUJnON84JtX9s1DVN_6KTl2sMqTJ9LDBibXZ3zE2sFhgtTBq5FKaI-k-5KrB-hSL_yQv615-pngZ1/s320/brown-bear-brown-bear-what-do-you-see-original-imaef9gyy3nuawhf.jpeg" width="246" /></a></div>
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When to introduce: 9 months - 3 years</div>
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Availability: Easily available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Brown-Bear-What-You-See/dp/0805047905">link</a>) and Flipkart (<a href="https://www.flipkart.com/brown-bear-do-you-see/p/itmea6wjzyc9yggg">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Low or medium (Paperback format is easy on pocket and works equally well)</div>
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Rating: 10 / 10</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">6. <b>Wacky Wednesday </b>by Dr. Seuss</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">Coming from the famous Dr. Seuss of 'The Cat in the Hat', this is one of the most popular classics recommended in almost all reading lists for small children. I think it is worth the attention given how successful it was with my kids and how much they enjoyed it. The narrative can be made very dramatic, fun and engaging through all the eccentricities of the Wacky Wednesday. It can help boost the child's intellect by making children absorb all that is happening and why it is weird. Pre-schoolers can have fun by participating in the narrative through identifying and counting the number of wacky things on each page. This book will be enjoyed by children of different age groups, and is one to last. I think it is worth the price.</span></div>
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When to introduce: 15 months - 6 years</div>
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Availability: Easily available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Wacky-Wednesday-Green-Back-Seuss/dp/0007175167/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=">link</a>)</div>
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Pricing: Medium or high (Paperback format is easy on pocket; Hardcover may last longer as this is a book which can be cherished for quite a few years)</div>
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Rating: 10 / 10</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">7. <b>Pepper Is Jealous </b>from Sterling Publishers</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">With highly age-appropriate storylines and messages for toddlers, I highly recommend the 'Pepper' series of books in the toddler library. They're very popular in the curriculum at my children's playschool and I had great success with this book at home. I plan on exploring more from the series. Introducing at the right age is important; Older kids may find the series to be preachy and may not be hooked. You can explore more from the series (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Pepper-Set-Books/dp/B01E2JHV42/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_2/262-7277495-4270811?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01E2JHV42&pd_rd_r=cce28108-9a81-43a6-b428-1158c3abcf6c&pd_rd_w=vb2w6&pd_rd_wg=ux0Sc&pf_rd_p=21bbdc4d-873b-48c5-a88a-70e643377944&pf_rd_r=B0FQHGBA381AD8VB1D4D&psc=1&refRID=B0FQHGBA381AD8VB1D4D">link</a>).</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDm_68re1rY939D6YF0uLDSdq1jPDknzClWuu93EEDZMg3y_zuYhTwXJCMhXKqBZR96ttCGNOJIob1q8vhU9LCzsuyZ8U9dV8Rgb41ybfgDveLg7Yjduf9QQN0PuX_m8Wym10Qvrm3vT8z/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDm_68re1rY939D6YF0uLDSdq1jPDknzClWuu93EEDZMg3y_zuYhTwXJCMhXKqBZR96ttCGNOJIob1q8vhU9LCzsuyZ8U9dV8Rgb41ybfgDveLg7Yjduf9QQN0PuX_m8Wym10Qvrm3vT8z/s1600/download.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
When to introduce: 12 months - 3.5 years</div>
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Availability: Available on Amazon (<a href="https://www.amazon.in/Pepper-Jealous-None/dp/8120744268/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=">link</a>)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pricing: Low</div>
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Rating: 10 / 10</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Will post more book reviews soon.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Happy reading!<br />
<br />
<b>Related posts:</b><br />
1. Engaging toddlers at home - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/03/engaging-your-toddlers-at-home.html">link</a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-62196379894357782072018-12-09T21:07:00.000-08:002018-12-09T21:07:19.490-08:00Pink skies<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW7rubVKkARVWH9Bx1ZXapVM0OH34kZ6RAOc_Y3C_E83by3uCwWp8Lrk8N3UPHow8A1P8jiW3mEv-w7JJW4wpKy1f5zAPyobRqwCHE4kNqs2SLpmXjfyM9vCJ08H9RFZJ52YMCLxJtVvP_/s1600/IMG_20181130_181214.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW7rubVKkARVWH9Bx1ZXapVM0OH34kZ6RAOc_Y3C_E83by3uCwWp8Lrk8N3UPHow8A1P8jiW3mEv-w7JJW4wpKy1f5zAPyobRqwCHE4kNqs2SLpmXjfyM9vCJ08H9RFZJ52YMCLxJtVvP_/s400/IMG_20181130_181214.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On my way back from work</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJM9WbicIaX75hRZOUhubZ2nikZFFCJdiZYw5ufrXkktp9SFe-8oxwVe5YP_aW385_YlpRgmH1G7BMzl0NQ8kpLEsPzMAsVJM2zOJSeLyuqyoM6a5sennl9oDeF6ojWrpEcXEsvml8X6I8/s1600/IMG_20181130_181129.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJM9WbicIaX75hRZOUhubZ2nikZFFCJdiZYw5ufrXkktp9SFe-8oxwVe5YP_aW385_YlpRgmH1G7BMzl0NQ8kpLEsPzMAsVJM2zOJSeLyuqyoM6a5sennl9oDeF6ojWrpEcXEsvml8X6I8/s400/IMG_20181130_181129.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pink streak</td></tr>
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<br />
Sunset looks stunning from my bedroom window. I'll try to capture it on camera next time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKqCZ-iItUNBsneBi60ptcRHJREOQOSahuB4cw13Uk4s7YnztItKPY8HYrIj0SB7ueULvQ0icSkXgdQ17WPo57NOzs4jAtNCHKdzQHAopP578PY8M0btBQmI7O6iZ9Jxz9F4sBwp5eo6b/s1600/IMG_20181205_071659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXKqCZ-iItUNBsneBi60ptcRHJREOQOSahuB4cw13Uk4s7YnztItKPY8HYrIj0SB7ueULvQ0icSkXgdQ17WPo57NOzs4jAtNCHKdzQHAopP578PY8M0btBQmI7O6iZ9Jxz9F4sBwp5eo6b/s400/IMG_20181205_071659.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morning view from the window</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFvVBLusYQvMXBetQwmghwMdGKMOYG2LQuuSMBvJ9vCW8y0IQOMTLzEMmUPzPWutLiHboEfOLDiBVBC7ZAhwZnbz3tbRXML3MpDRjnCOqNfr7975rJF40UWd0Z5zCzF1Re3SMHz7ko1AVy/s1600/IMG_20181208_183529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFvVBLusYQvMXBetQwmghwMdGKMOYG2LQuuSMBvJ9vCW8y0IQOMTLzEMmUPzPWutLiHboEfOLDiBVBC7ZAhwZnbz3tbRXML3MpDRjnCOqNfr7975rJF40UWd0Z5zCzF1Re3SMHz7ko1AVy/s400/IMG_20181208_183529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sky is orange after sunset - View from kitchen</td></tr>
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-58184674507660334292018-11-19T23:08:00.001-08:002018-11-19T23:08:39.492-08:00Happy Men's Day<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday was Men's Day. Do men need a day to celebrate themselves? Of course. Everybody has the right to celebrate their identity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do men have anything to accomplish in terms of gender equality? Read this amazing post by IndianHomeMaker:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>What do men need liberation from</b> - <a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/04/26/what-do-men-need-liberation-from/">link</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the biggest lies anti-feminists tell you is that feminism is about men Vs women. Which it is not. It's about Patriarchy Vs Equality.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">// </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong,<br />
there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">For every woman who is tired of being called “an emotional female”,<br />
there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">For every woman who is tired of being a sex object,<br />
there is a man who must worry about his potency.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes,<br />
there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation,<br />
there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">// -<a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2014/02/28/for-every-woman-who-is-tired-of-being-a-sex-object-there-is-a-man-who-must-worry-about-his-potency/"> </a></span></i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2014/02/28/for-every-woman-who-is-tired-of-being-a-sex-object-there-is-a-man-who-must-worry-about-his-potency/">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></i>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So happy men's day. Cheers to equality!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-15764662316592214232018-10-10T23:21:00.001-07:002018-10-11T01:05:03.853-07:00Honorable Ms. Gandhi, You're not helping<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like the many other 'well-intentioned' misogynists, who want to 'balance their acts' by sending contradictory messages which claim that they are in favour of women empowerment and then act or support actions which do the opposite, you seem to be confused. <i>You</i> sending these signals is a matter of concern, because you're the standing Minister of Women and Child Development.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You said you are happy that there is a Me Too movement in India. I don't understand what you are happy about, when at the same time you also said that the campaign shouldn't "go out of control" and women should refrain from "targeting those who have offended them in <i>some way"</i> (meant to be 'some other way then sexual harassment') (<a href="https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/happy-there-s-now-a-me-too-movement-in-india-maneka-gandhi-1358427-2018-10-08">link</a>).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While there is nothing technically wrong with what you said, the context in which it was said and <b>the deemed necessity on your part to state it specifically are very problematic to me</b>. What is the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_Too_movement">Me Too movement (link)</a> about? It is a movement which stemmed from the need to enable victims of sexual harassment or abuse to come out in the open with their stories and flag their abusers. Abusers could be anyone, including powerful or popular personalities, and in a movement like this one, such names are likely to come up because there has been no forum for women to talk about powerful men who violate them till now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ms. Gandhi, you must understand, not just because you are a woman but also because you're in a position of power and responsibility which can actually impact women of India in a meaningful way, that it is <b>very</b> hard to come out in the open as a victim of sexual assault. And <b>the sure shot way to stall women from coming forward is by casting suspicions at victims's stories before even they are out already</b>! By telling them to exercise caution and restraint, like sexual assaults are not under-reported enough already! What you've done is take an argument which rape apologists or assaulters routinely make in their defence and quote it in this context to delay the process of victims coming out in the open.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And it happens with every narration of sexual assault. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>May be she is just making it up...</i></span><br />
<i style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></i>
<i style="font-family: inherit;">May be she was 'asking for it'...</i><br />
<i style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></i>
<i style="font-family: inherit;">May be she provoked him '<u>somehow'</u>...</i><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Especially with famous / powerful personalities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>He doesn't <b>seem like</b> a rapist.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The trend to is call the victim a liar, till so many victims come out in the open that it becomes hard to deny the allegations (</span><a href="https://inc42.com/features/indias-metoo-movement-exposes-sexual-abuse-in-the-startup-ecosystem-in-its-wake/" style="font-family: inherit;">link</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">). And lots of people ask this question - why didn't they come out before? The thing is - it is very common for abuses perpetrated by an assaulter to be mass reported, because the first incidence of reporting emboldens others to follow. It is a natural reaction, and there is nothing illogical in this pattern. Needless interrogations around this line from public are nothing but victim blaming and distractions from the real issue.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><span style="color: #990000;">Rape culture is pervasive insistence that false reports are common, <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2005/12/dont-just-blame-victim-prosecute-her.html" style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">although</a> they are <i>less common</i> (1.6%) than false reports of auto theft (2.6%). Rape culture is pervasive claims that women make rape accusations willy-nilly, when <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2009/oct/08/rape-women-usa-today" style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">61% of rapes</a> remain unreported. ...</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Rape culture is the pervasive narrative that a rape victim who reports hir rape is readily believed and well-supported, instead of acknowledging that reporting a rape is a huge personal investment, a difficult process that can be embarrassing, shameful, hurtful, frustrating, and too often unfulfilling. Rape culture is ignoring that there is very little incentive to report a rape; it's a terrible experience with a small likelihood of seeing justice served.</b></span> // - <a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Those statistics above are based on US, but the situation in India is not any different. We all know how under-reported sexual assaults are, and how low the chances of conviction are. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So the last thing I want is for the Women and Child Development minister to give unnecessary emphasis to false accusations when she is supposed to be speaking in support of a movement which helps victims of assault reveal their stories and assaulters. That's rape culture for you, served with a twist. Sick of it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Related posts:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Shh.. Don't make a scene..... - <a href="https://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/08/shhh-dont-make-scene.html">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Rape Culture 101 by Melissa McEwan (must read) - <a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">3. </span>In response to 'What exactly happened on 2017 New Year's Eve in Bengaluru? What could be the causes of this?' on Quora - <a href="https://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2017/01/in-response-to-what-exactly-happened-on.html">link</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-54958443616080016502018-09-28T10:12:00.004-07:002018-10-06T09:17:00.241-07:00In more good news today...<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><i><span style="color: #660000;">T</span>he Supreme Court in a majority opinion of 4:1 on Friday, lifted the centuries-old practice of prohibiting women from the age of menarche to menopause to enter the Lord Ayyappa temple at Sabarimala in Kerala.<span style="color: #660000;"> </span></i></b>// - <a href="https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/sc-opens-sabarimala-temple-for-women-of-all-ages/article25068333.ece">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
// <i>It said that exclusion on grounds of biological and physiological features like menstruation was unconstitutional. It amounted to discrimination based on a biological factor exclusive to gender. It was violative of the right to equality and dignity of women. </i>//</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
And the best of all, for addressing the issue of celibacy, see the even better separate but concurring opinion from Justice Chandrachud:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
// <b><i><span style="color: #660000;">He said the logic behind the ban was that presence of women deviated men from celibacy. This was placing the burden of a men's celibacy on women thus, stigmatising women and stereotyping them. </span></i></b>//</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Interestingly:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
// <i>Justice Indu Malhotra, the lone woman judge on the Constitution Bench, dissented from the majority opinion. She held that the determination of what constituted an essential practice in a religion should not be decided by judges on the basis of their personal viewpoints. She held that essentiality of a religious practice or custom had to be decided within the religion. It was a matter of personal faith. India was a land of diverse faiths. Constitutional morality in a pluralistic society gave freedom to practice even irrational or illogical customs and usages.</i> //</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b>Related posts:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
1. Good job SC on scrapping adultery, let's criminalise marital rape too soon - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/09/wow.html">link</a><br />
2. Finally something right is happening! - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/09/finally-something-right-is-happening.html">link</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-61160432460863834542018-09-27T22:27:00.002-07:002018-10-06T09:15:14.642-07:00Good job SC on scrapping adultery, let's criminalise marital rape too soon<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wow.... SC seems to be on form. First scrapping section 377 (<a href="https://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/09/finally-something-right-is-happening.html">link</a>) and now scrapping adultery law (<a href="https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/adultery-not-a-criminal-offence-as-sc-strikes-down-section-497-of-ipc/article25055245.ece">link</a>). Something good seems to be happening in our country, finally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Section 497 of the IPC:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">// </span><i>Adultery.—Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he knows or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, <u>without the consent or connivance of that man,</u> such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offense of rape, is guilty of the offense of adultery, and shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to five years, or with fine, or with both. In such case the wife shall not be punishable as an abettor</i><i>.</i> // - <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery_law_in_India">link</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So what's the problem?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><i> // Only an adulterous woman’s husband could prosecute her lover, though she could not be punished; an adulterous man’s wife had no such right. //</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>// H</i><i>er affair with another would not amount to adultery if it had the consent of her husband. “The history of Section 497 reveals that the law on adultery was for the benefit of the husband, for him to secure ownership over the sexuality of his wife,” Justice D.Y. Chandrachud wrote. “It was aimed at preventing the woman from exercising her sexual agency.” </i>// - <a href="https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/editorial/not-a-crime/article25061715.ece">link</a></span><br />
<br />
And this is what the court opined:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><i>Offense of adultery treats women as a chattel and dents their dignity.</i></b> //</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><i>How couples deal with adultery is absolutely a matter of privacy.</i></b> //</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><i>Adultery remains ground for divorce.</i></b> //</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
Read more here - <b><u><a href="https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/adultery-not-a-criminal-offence-as-sc-strikes-down-section-497-of-ipc/article25055245.ece">link</a></u></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Looks like it's not long before marital rape is criminalised as well. Fingers crossed.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <b><i>In Thursday’s judgment, Justice Chandrachud noted: “Sexual autonomy constitutes an inviolable core of the dignity of every individual. At the heart of the constitutional rights guaranteed to every individual is a primacy of choice and the freedom to determine one’s actions. Curtailing the sexual autonomy of a woman or presuming the lack of consent once she enters a marriage is antithetical to constitutional values.”</i></b> // - <a href="https://indianexpress.com/article/india/supreme-court-signal-on-marital-rape-consent-sexual-autonomy-in-marriage-are-key-values-5377501/">link</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And what else is pending? <b><i>Decriminalising consensual sex between minors is due, to add to list of scraping laws which criminalise consensual sex.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Where consensual sex is rape and forced sex is legal right - <a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/where-consensual-sex-is-rape-and-forced-sex-a-legal-right/">link</a></span></i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b>Related posts:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
1. When a woman talks about her sex life as her choice, Patriarchy's control over female sexuality is challenged - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/06/when-woman-talks-about-her-sex-life-as.html">link</a><br />
2. In more good news today... - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/09/in-more-good-news-today.html">link</a><br />
3. Finally something right is happening! - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2018/09/finally-something-right-is-happening.html">link</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-58311431287951399752018-09-07T10:09:00.000-07:002018-10-06T09:20:55.249-07:00Finally something right is happening!Thank God for small mercies! A much awaited victory for the LGBTQ community:<br />
<br />
// <i><b>In a unanimous 5-0 verdict, Chief Justice of India Dipak Misra led justices RF Nariman, AM Khanwilkar, DY Chandrachud and Indu Malhotra in declaring that a two-judge bench's decision in December 2013 in the Suresh Koushal case, which had recriminalised section 377, "was arbitrary, fallacious and retrograde. </b></i>//<br />
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Read more heartening details here - <a href="https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/sc-decriminalises-section-377-calls-2013-ruling-arbitrary-and-retrograde/articleshow/65712063.cms">link</a><br />
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Teaspoon by teaspoon, we will make progress... There's a long road to cover.... Someday, hopefully not too far in the future, we will stop <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2014/02/what-happens-when-we-allow-legal.html">giving legal sanctions to marital rape</a>.<br />
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For now, let's celebrate and rejoice in this progress we made as a country towards implementing human rights. Cheers and happy weekend folks!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-28418810490851931412018-08-30T00:08:00.000-07:002018-08-30T22:58:51.126-07:00Shhh.. Don't make a scene.....<div style="text-align: justify;">
Why didn't I say anything - Don't make a scene...</div>
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I was travelling in an auto alone in Mumbai recently and all was well till we were 10 mins due to reach my destination: Hiranandani hospital. And then this conversation happened:</div>
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<i>Driver: 'Madam, yeah itna bada building hotel hai kya?'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'Nahi yeah hospital hai'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'Par itna bada hai - idhar aap rehte ho'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'Nahi main Vikhroli mein rehti hoon'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'Idhar rooms nahi hote hain kya'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'Haan par woh patients jo admit hote hain unke liye hain. Yahaan koi rehta nahi. Shayad kuch resident doctors quarters mein rehte hai'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'Aap phir Vikhroli jaaoge na?' </i>(indicating if he should wait for return)</div>
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<i>Me: 'Haan par mujhe time lagega. Atleast half an hour so aap chale jao' </i>(indicating I don't want him to wait)</div>
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[</div>
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English translation:</div>
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<i style="text-align: left;">Driver: 'Madam, is this big building a hotel?'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'No this is a hospital'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'But it's so big. Do you stay here'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'No I stay in Vikhroli'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'Are there any rooms here'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'Yes but those are for patients who get admitted. Nobody stays here. May be some resident doctors stay in their quarters that's all'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'You'll go to Vikhroli after this?' </i>(indicating if he should wait for return)</div>
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<i>Me: 'Yes but my work will take time - atleast half an hour so you leave' </i>(indicating I don't want him to wait)</div>
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]</div>
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This is when the conversation got weird:</div>
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<i>Driver: 'Main rookta hoon aap ke liye'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'Nahi aap chale jao. Mujhe pata nahi kitna time lagega. Bahut time lag sakta hai'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'Jitna bhi ho - ek ghanta chahiye to main ek ghanta rookonga'</i></div>
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[</div>
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English translation:</div>
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<i>Driver: 'I will wait for you'</i></div>
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<i>Me: 'No you leave. I don't know how long I will take. It can be very long'</i></div>
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<i>Driver: 'However much - if you say one hour I will wait for one hour</i><i>'</i></div>
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]</div>
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I was desperately trying to pretend this is a totally normal conversation.</div>
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<i>Me: 'Nahi mera time ka mujhe idea nahi hai abhi aur kaam hai. Aap ko yaha passenger aasani se mil jayega. Wait karna waste hai aapko. Aap bas idhar rok dijiye' </i></div>
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[English:<i> 'No I am not sure about how long and besides I have some work. You can get another passenger very easily here. It would be useless for you to wait. Please stop just here' </i>]</div>
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We were entering the hospital now....</div>
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And here comes the most objectionable statement:</div>
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<i>Driver: 'Par aap jaisa passegnger nahi milegi na'</i> (with an extremely creepy expression on his face which I pretended to not notice. I really wanted to get out now.)</div>
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[English: <i>'But I won't get another passenger like you'</i>]</div>
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<i>Me: 'Mil jayega aap ko passenger. Lo mil gayi...'</i> [English: <i>'You will get another passenger. See there she is...'</i>]</div>
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Another woman who was almost my age was approaching the auto when she noticed I was getting down. I got down immediately and allowed her to get in.</div>
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On my way back, I felt very let down at what I did. I should have warned that other woman to not get into this auto - there were so many other autos available for her. In my desperation to escape, I just allowed her to potentially suffer. I can excuse myself for not doing anything when the auto was moving; But I should have warned or scolded the auto driver after getting down once I knew I was safe. That would have taught him that what he did doesn't fly. I didn't do any of that. My instinctive reaction when any of these things happened to me has always been to smother those incidents, like I did this time. Because nobody else should know that something ugly happened to me. I shouldn't make a scene and attract attention. <i><b>Because deep down, at some sub-conscious level, I believe that these things happen to me because I did something wrong to evoke bad behaviour from the offender.</b> </i>It's My Fault theory has been ingrained in me so strongly. I can reason with myself later but the instinct cannot be overcome. The immediate reaction has always been the same. I don't want to admit even to myself that something wrong happened because it's ugly. Hence I don't want to admit it to anyone else, and I am more worried about others judging me rather than the offender for being wrong. So after all this, it mattered to me what people think, and that stopped me from not reprimanding any of the offenders.</div>
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<b><i>This is not to say that I judge all the other women for not raising their voice when they've been offended or violated. I must know, by now, how hard it must be.</i></b> <b><i>I am doing this post to make people understand how hard it is for a woman to come forward and complain about assaults in a society which constantly tells you that it's your sole responsibility to ensure you're not violated and if you are, then you must have done something wrong</i></b>. May be you have not followed the rules. May be you shouldn't have entertained any conversation with an auto driver. Fear of social stigma is so real, that even in such a trivial incident where I really didn't have much to lose had I reprimanded him, I didn't do that. Along with the social stigma, it's the inner barricade that needs to be overcome...Again, I am not saying that it's the women's fault in not raising their voice. <b><i>It's very important to understand part of my reaction was driven by the fact that if I did make a scene, I really wasn't sure whose side people would be on. </i></b><br />
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It's just that..... When I started understanding feminism, I realised the exact same equation about how letting offenders get away encourages more offenders to commit more serious offences. I looked back at all the times I have been violated and felt the exact same inadequacy in my response. I told myself after analysing the past that I was younger, less confident and more vulnerable when those incidents happened so it was okay for me to react the way I did. I resolved that if anything like it happens in future again, I wouldn't react so meekly. I've been through this curve now. But here I am, a 29 year old, financially independent feminist and a mother of twins, and I still didn't react adequately when I was offended. I am writing about this for salvation. Hopefully, if I encounter anything like this in future, I will overcome my inner instinct.<br />
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<b>Related posts:</b><br />
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<b><br /></b>
<b>1. Fifty five word fiction: What did the girl learn? - <a href="https://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/06/fifty-five-word-fiction-what-did-girl.html">link</a> </b><br />
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<b>2. Understanding feminism, sexism and sexual assault series: Part I - <a href="https://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2015/03/understanding-feminism-sexism-and.html">link</a></b></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-59038037921838501102018-03-08T09:53:00.004-08:002021-03-08T08:51:31.875-08:00A moment of gratitude and empathy: Celebrating the spirit of Women's Day<div style="text-align: justify;">
Here's how I want to celebrate women's day.</div>
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This is for all the feminists who broke the norms throughout history to achieve <i>something like</i> equality for us today. I cannot express my gratitude for you enough.</div>
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To all those inspirational names in history who have given the women of today someone to look upto, and to all those nameless, faceless spirits whose pages have faded away in history, to the conscious fighters, the suffragettes and the open rebels who fought for what was right and due, and to the modest movers who took small steps towards personal liberation without even knowing they were fighting for feminism....</div>
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Every small step you've taken has taken humanity closer to achieving equality. I may not have known you, I may not have seen you, the world or history may not recognise your names or faces, but I am aware that even my basic rights like voting, financial independence, and education are privileges hard-earned through your struggles in the course of your lifetimes. Everyone of you did your part, and you have all collectively made this world better in your own special ways.</div>
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I understand that the struggle has not ended, and this world still has a long way to go before it can be called a just world for people of all genders. In my own country, marital rape is a legal right, and as I write, I am aware that there are many, many women in this world who do not share the same privileges as I do because basic rights are privileges often denied for women. There are many who are deprived of education, and many who are denied the right to vote, and many who do not get paid as much as a man for doing the same amount of work, and many who are denied to be born. The right to live with dignity is a privilege in reality for many women.</div>
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I am also aware that there are many feminists in this world today, who are striving to make this world a better place, each in their own personal way. I want to express my solidarity to their cause and I want to tell them that I am one of them...<br />
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Even though I don't know each of you personally, each of you have touched my life and the lives of all the women in very special ways and have changed my life forever. Every small step taken by each of you to our collective cause sustains us all.</div>
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This is to the women of today and yesterday, who have persevered against discrimination to create a fair world. The world is far from fair when it comes to gender discrimination. A perfectly fair world for all cannot be achieved in a single lifetime. It takes a different kind of perseverance to fight for something which may not be attained in your lifetime, and to still persist for what is right and due. Your endurance is beyond inspiring. I too will try to endure. I too will try to do my part, and become a drop in the ocean.</div>
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Every woman in this world would have suffered discrimination knowingly or unknowingly sometime in her life. To everyone of you, those who are feminists and those who are not, those who are aware that they are facing discrimination and those who are not... There are times when you suffer from discrimination and try to consciously or unconsciously oppose the injustice imposed on you. This is my oath to you, that during those times, irrespective of who you are and what you are as a person, you deserve my unconditional empathy. I want to tell you that you are unequivocally right when you question why you should be denied what is due to you purely because of your gender. Let the whole world tell you otherwise and make you question your sense of unfairness. I want to tell you that you don't / didn't deserve to suffer because of discrimination. Even if justice is unattainable to you, sense of righteousness is empowering. I am telling you - During those moments where your conscience guides you to question or oppose what is wrong, you are right. And you are a feminist whether you know it or not, even if it is for those few moments.<br />
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Now I want to express my special gratitude to all the bloggers who have opened my eyes by introducing me to feminism and making me understand what it means to be a woman.<br />
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Indianhomemaker - <a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/can-anyone-guarantee-that-absolute-empowerment-of-women-thru-feminism-will-improve-the-social-balance-and-not-give-rise-to-new-social-problems/"><b><span style="color: blue;">link</span></b></a></div>
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Melissa McEwan - <b><a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2010/01/feminism-101.html"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a></b><br />
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The Belle Jar<b> - <a href="https://bellejar.ca/2014/09/18/10-reasons-feminism-might-not-be-for-you/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a></b><br />
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And to the many authors whose posts enlightened me on many aspects of feminism and rape culture.<br />
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I owe you feminism :) May fairness prevail! Happy women's day to all!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Related posts:</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">1. Bridging the gap: Let's acknowledge privileges to accomplish equality - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2020/03/bridging-gap-lets-acknowledge.html">link</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">2. Where does gender bias start - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2021/02/where-does-gender-bias-start.html">link</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">3. Will we fail our future generation - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.com/2013/12/will-we-fail-our-future-generation.html">link</a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-65557281011821125682017-01-22T05:05:00.000-08:002017-01-22T21:20:02.087-08:00In response to 'What exactly happened on 2017 New Year's Eve in Bengaluru? What could be the causes of this?' on Quora<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Trigger warning:</i></b> Rape apologia, Misogyny</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Content note:</i> Long post</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">By now, it is old news that the ugly colors of gender inequality have shown themselves in the form of molestation on New Year's eve in Bengaluru (<a href="http://bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com/bangalore/cover-story/bengalurus-night-of-shame/articleshow/56279784.cms"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a>). What is worse now is, that the ugly colors of rape apologetic attitudes and regressive notions on how women should cover / lock themselves up to 'prevent' sexual harassment (<i>and thereby implying that those women who did not do so were / are responsible for crimes against themselves</i>) have remained unchanged. Four years after Nirbhaya (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Delhi_gang_rape"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a>), not much has changed. The proof of it can be seen in the Quora post (<a href="https://www.quora.com/What-exactly-happened-on-2017-New-Years-Eve-in-Bengaluru-What-could-be-causes-of-this"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a>) which I am responding to which asserts that women locking themselves up is a solution to prevent sexual assaults, and the number of people who have up-voted it, and the number of people who empathised with the author's views in their replies (some replies rightly criticise the author but many more support or agree with him). The fact that this post features as one of the top results in Google search when I search for "what happened in bengaluru on new year's eve", and the number of up-votes means that many people seem to be taking these arguments seriously, and I want to express my disagreement as strongly as I can here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Quotes from the original post in <i>black italics</i> and my responses in <b><span style="color: #990000;">bold red</span></b>.</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>// Clash of cultures. </b></span></i><i><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Something similar to what happened on New Year Eve in Cologne and other German cities last year. Or something that the 16 December gangrapists had planned. FUN, as they call it. //</span></i></i></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><b>It is not not 'clash of cultures'. It is a conflict between a regressive mindset which asserts that women who violate unspecified rules, such as coming out at night, enjoying at parties, and so on deserve to be violated, and expression of right to freedom by the women who directly challenged these 'rules' by engaging in 'unacceptable' activities. </b></span><b style="color: #990000;">It is a confrontation to existing power-domination equation. </b><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">The rapists of 16 December, or the attackers on New Year eve violated women because they couldn't stand women disobeying their 'rules' and believed that those women deserve to be punished for it. They couldn't stand their power and control over women being challenged and they violated their victims' dignity by assaulting them in an attempt to subjugate them. More importantly, <i>they were aware that they could get away</i> with their actions, bec</b><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #990000;">ause they knew that society would blame the victims instead by questioning them for disobeying 'rules', thereby making these women vulnerable targets. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #990000;"><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #990000;">"The rapists often don't see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don't expect the victims to report them" - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/the-attackers-often-do-not-see-their-actions-as-crimes-the-police-said-and-do-not-expect-the-women-they-attack-to-report-them/" style="color: blue;">link</a><span style="color: #990000;"><b> to post by IHM</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="qtext_para" style="margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">// Before the IT revolution, before the assimilation of Western culture in our lives, Bengaluru was also like a typical Indian city. For those, who were teenagers in 90s, New Year meant watching some crappy special TV shows on 31st, sleeping as peacefully as any other day, getting up on Jan 1, wishing your family “Happy New Year” and resuming your daily schedule. </i><i style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">It is now that the New Year eve celebrations have become as big for Indian youth as they are for the West. Just like thousands of people wildly celebrate at Times Square, similarly, we too have started following them and started celebrating at city centres like MG Road in Bengaluru (which is used to have a casual gathering in 90s) or Connaught Place in Delhi. //</i></div>
<div class="qtext_para" style="margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #990000;">Women have been raped and molested in India before the IT revolution as well (</b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1534317358887696227#editor/target=post;postID=6555728101182112568"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">). Gandhiji famously stated that India will be free when the women feel safe to walk in the streets of India India in midnight. He said so because he was disturbed by the state of sexual crimes and lack of women's safety in the country.</b></span></div>
<div class="qtext_para" style="margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">Besides, where does one draw the line to define 'Western culture'? </b><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">There was a point in time when even education and financial independence of women was seen (is still seen by many) as against 'our culture'. There was a time when widow remarriages and prohibition of Sati were seen as intrusion of Western culture into our society. Despite being illegal, child marriages are rampant in India to this day due to widespread cultural and social support. </b><b style="color: #990000;">Recently, Indian government has issued a statement to support marital rape by stating that criminalising marital rape would weaken the institution of marriage (</b><a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Govt-justifies-exclusion-of-marital-rape-as-sexual-offence-in-amended-ordinance/articleshow/18566797.cms"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">). Does all this mean that we should advocate conduction of child marriages till the time all parents are educated about the perils of the same? How then are we going to educate parents about why child marriages are wrong, if we continue to advocate that we conduct them till parents are educated?! Advocating that women must lock themselves up or obey unsaid set of rules to prevent themselves from being assaulted, till the criminals are educated that they will be held accountable for assaults, is the same thing, it's the same argument, a non-solution.</b><br />
<b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><br /></b>
<b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">Cultural differences <i>do not</i> and <i>should not</i> give anyone the right to violate human rights of those who are different from them. They must never be used to attempt to justify such acts as well.</b><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;"><br /></span></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">// This is not wrong on part of the </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">independent</span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;"> youth who get another opportunity to take a break from their mundane lives, roam around with their friends and enjoy a bit. But in eyes of people with older mindset, for the slum dwellers; these things have a different meaning. For them, all the woman who are partying with their friends have a </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">loose character </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">and will most probably get laid with their </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">male partners </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">tonight. // </span></span></i></div>
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<b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">They need to be told that women have the <i>right to consent or dissent</i> to participate in sexual activities with (m)any partner(s) any time. They need to be told by every channel that it is a crime to assault a woman without her consent, for which they will be held accountable and punished. And this message needs to be instilled through strict implementation of the law. More importantly, we as a society need to tell them that the character of the woman in question is not relevant by holding the assaulters, and the assaulters <i>alone</i> accountable for the crime. Asking women to lock themselves up and laying down <strike>suggestions</strike> rules for women to obey (such as avoiding parties) would only encourage these criminals, as they realise that they find social support when they assault women who disobey those 'rules'.</b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">// New Year celebrations, unlike Diwali or Eid, dont have any religious element associated with them and hence the concept of </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">sin </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">is easily forgotten by such hypocrites. // </span></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: start;"><b>Men molesting women is mainly a function of how easy it is for them to get away with their crime. Their restraint is not caused because of their personal beliefs, but because they sense that social support is less likely when they assault women who are adhering to unspecified rules (read participating in 'socially acceptable' activities like religious ceremonies). When we as a society condemn their crimes equally strongly for assaulting any woman under any circumstances (party or not, drinking or not), they would refrain from assaults.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: start;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<b style="color: #990000;">Besides, women and <i>children</i> </b><i style="color: #990000; font-weight: bold;">are</i><b style="color: #990000;"> molested at cultural / religious gatherings such as dandiya (</b><a href="http://www.iamnirbhaya.me/reports/view/3336"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), ganesh chaturthi celebrations (</b><a href="http://zeenews.india.com/videos/mumbai-girl-molested-during-visarjan-procession_23199.html"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), diwali parties (</b><a href="http://www.idiva.com/news-relationships/it-happened-to-me-my-sisters-husband-molested-my-six-year-old-daughter/15072087"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), apart from a whole lot public spaces, including bus-stops, colleges, schools and trains. And many women are raped by their own husbands in India by virtue of the power granted to the husband through the cultural institution of marriage.</b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">// Open consumption of alcoholic beverages also sends a message to these petty goons, who consider it a </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">signal </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">from women</span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">. </span><span style="color: #333333; text-align: start;">Also, public gatherings at night like these give them a mask of anonymity to attempt molestation, which if they tried on any normal day would invite severe retribution from public. //</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">Sexual crimes aren't perpetrated by one single social class of men against one single class of women. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">"Studies find 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker" - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/study-finds-98-of-india-rape-victims-knew-their-attacker/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> </b><span style="color: #990000;"><b>to post by IHM</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">"Home most unsafe place for women : A unique court-ordered study by Delhi police revealed" - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/home-most-unsafe-place-for-women-a-unique-court-ordered-study-by-delhi-police-has-revealed/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> to post by IHM</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">Men who are accustomed to being in the company of women who drink also molest and rape them (</b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priyadarshini_Mattoo"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><span style="color: #990000; font-weight: bold;">), at times in private gatherings or at their own homes (</span><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/home-most-unsafe-place-for-women-a-unique-court-ordered-study-by-delhi-police-has-revealed/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><span style="color: #990000; font-weight: bold;">). Child sexual abuse is rampant in India (</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse_in_India#Surveys_and_statistics"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><span style="color: #990000; font-weight: bold;">). Many tribal women are raped due to social oppression (</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Badaun_gang_rape_allegations"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">, </b><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.in/2014/02/its-rape-culture-not-tribal-culture-on.html"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">).</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">And to what extent can public gatherings be avoided? It is a complete myth that the problem of street sexual harassment is prevalent only at night times. Molestation and harassment are common in every public space one can think of, including trains (</b><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.news18.com/news/india/21-year-old-student-molested-on-doon-express-train-by-drunk-passenger-1198447.html"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a>, </span></span><a href="http://www.hindustantimes.com/india/sexual-harassment-at-workplace-is-a-subjective-but-unacceptable-experience/story-QBId4eNJAIafXdaMTweXmL.html" style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), buses (</b><a href="https://feminisminindia.com/2014/11/27/experience-of-sexual-harassment/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), colleges (</b><a href="https://blog.ipleaders.in/sexual-harassment-in-indias-educational-institutions-and-how-to-stop-it/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), streets, parties, parks, queues, temples (</b><a href="http://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/temple-priest-held-for-molesting-minor-girl-say-police/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">) and so on. I can speak from personal experience that I have been molested in trains, in buses, in an amusement park, at a house-party, at my own home by a random stranger, even when I was a minor, and I have also witnessed many cat-calls in my college.</b></div>
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<i style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">//Bengaluru police has still not registered cases of molestation. They need to take suo motto and hunt each and everyone of those involved, just like police in Germany did. Otherwise, it will only bolster these criminals and then there will be nothing stopping Bengaluru to go down Delhi’s path.//</span></i><br />
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<b><span style="color: #990000;">Completely agree. This is most important.</span></b></div>
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<i><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">// All civilized people, especially young women should avoid attending such gatherings which have a history of hooliganism. //</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><b>All civilised people should actually respect human rights and stop molesting, assaulting and violating women or anyone else. They should also stop encouraging such hooliganism by strongly advocating for strict punishments to criminals instead of giving out a handbook for women to obey so that they're not violated.</b></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">// And for the same reason you avoid going to ISIS controlled Iraq. //</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">India is not an ISIS controlled Iraq. If we want to claim that we are a civilised society and a functional democracy which values human rights, we as a society and a nation need to behave responsibly and ensure human dignity is not violated. So instead of advocating women to compromise on right to freedom, it is better to ensure those rights are not violated by giving out message to men that they will be punished for doing so. </span></b></span></span><b style="color: #990000; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, avoiding going to Iraq which is a far-far away land is not practically the same thing as 'avoiding public spaces' in the country where you live. Women's daily movements are restricted because of molestation and sexual assaults.</span></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">// Before, all the feminist guns start blazing at me, let me clarify that I too support freedom of women. //</span></span></i></div>
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<b style="color: #990000; text-align: left;"></b><br />
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<b style="color: #990000; text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000; text-align: left;">Feminism is not a dirty word. It is the idea that all human beings should have equal social, economic and political rights. </b><b style="text-align: justify;">Supporting <i>freedom</i> of women means supporting the idea that women's movements should not be restricted by threats of violence against them when they engage in certain activities (like celebrating New Year's eve). </b><b style="text-align: justify;">Advocating that women should lock themselves up, and thereby placing the responsibility for crimes against them back on themselves, is the opposite of supporting freedom of women.</b></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">// I too support that men, especially these uncultured feudal ones should be educated. //</span></span></i></div>
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<b style="color: #990000;">It shouldn't stop with educating them. Men who violate women need to be told that they have no right to do so and be strictly <i>punished</i> by the law. Otherwise, when they get away with one assault, they realise that it is easy to get away and commit more heinous crimes.</b></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">// I too support that women should walk without fear. </span></span></i><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">But do we have the resources to ensure so? </span></span></i><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">We dont have enough police to take care of severe murder cases, let alone molestation. //</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Then we need to work on building the resources to do so. It is not just about lack of resources, it is about the attitude of police. Complaints are not lodged and swift action is rare. Low conviction rates further demotivate victims to report an already much under-reported crime in the country.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">"So how does Delhi - NCR Police define rape" - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/so-how-does-delhi-ncr-police-define-rape/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> to IHM's post </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b style="color: #990000;">"When they don't even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it? - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/so-how-does-delhi-ncr-police-define-rape/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> to IHM's post</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Gender sensitisation is required at an institutional level, so that police start taking these crimes seriously. Police reforms need to be implemented to ensure authorities enforce the law.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;">'Murder cases first', cannot be used a justification to make police devoid of the responsibility with which they are entrusted. In this case, police did not lodge complaints till several days after news has been circulated.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: #990000;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" style="text-align: justify;" /><span style="text-align: justify;">I blogged about why </span><strike style="text-align: justify;">eve teasing</strike></span></b><span style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="color: #990000;"> sexual harassment on the streets should not be taken lightly and how letting it go unpunished encourages rape apologetic social attitudes and emboldens criminals to commit more heinous sexual crimes </span></b><span style="color: #990000;"><b>(</b></span></span><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.in/2013/12/if-we-dealt-with-every-act-of-sexual.html" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>).</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">// Can all these hooligans be civilized within a week, or month or fortnight? It will take a generation. //</span></span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000;">So should half the population pay the price by giving up on their own rights and dignity? And how much locking up is possible? Women are routinely groped, molested, cat-called and jeered at in buses, trains, bus-stops, metros, colleges, workplaces</b><b style="color: #990000;">, queues, parks, on the way to their workplaces (</b><a href="http://www.dawn.com/news/780359"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;">), when walking on the streets for carrying on their daily activities. Should we apply Taliban rules and stop educating women, and stop 'allowing' women to be financially independent, "for their own good"? But even in countries where women are required to be covered from head to toe and follow all these rules, women are not safe (</b><a href="https://saudiwoman.me/2013/01/31/rest-in-peace-lama/" style="color: blue;">link</a><span style="color: blue;">, </span><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/three-saudi-youths-were-arrested-for-attempting-to-sexually-assault-a-teenager/"><span style="color: blue;">link</span></a><span style="color: #990000; font-weight: bold;">). </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b>Suggesting that women stay away from the criminals will place the burden of responsibility on the victims, and would further embolden those hooligans, when they learn that women will be questioned and blamed for being assaulted. How are they ever going to be civilised if we continue to keep advising women to avoid the very same activities which make them deserving of assault in the eyes of those hooligans? Wouldn't those hooligans find validation of their pervasive notions when we extend passive support by suggesting women to be restrained, instead of punishing the criminals?</b></span></span></span></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">// How many of the ladies can hire security guards just like the ranting feminists of TV studios? //</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b>If presence of security force helps protect women's rights, the solution is for the administrative system to tighten measures to increase women's security, and not locking women up by asking them to not party or gather at public spaces.</b></span></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">// The simple thing is unite, become a </span><span style="text-align: left;">woman vote bank </span><span style="text-align: left;">and make women security an election demand. // </span></span></i></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000;">Women's security is not the only objective. We're seeking <i>empowerment</i>. Even when women's security is made as a serious election demand, politicians and officials with confused understanding of what comprises right to freedom and security, like this author, may advocate even legally banning women from public spaces or night parties to 'prevent' sexual assaults. </b></span></span></span><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;">Even now, both the major national political parties have supported decriminalising marital rape, despite Nirbhaya case protests and recommendations of Justice Verma committee. They </b><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;">have criminalised consensual sex between minors and decriminalised marital rape to 'prevent rape'.</b></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000;"><br /></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000;">Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right </b></span></span></span><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;">- </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/where-consensual-sex-is-rape-and-forced-sex-a-legal-right/" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000; font-family: inherit; text-align: left;"> to IHM's post</b></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #990000; text-align: left;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b style="color: #990000;">"Protection and empowerment are two different things, and perhaps don't always go together' - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/protection-and-empowerment-are-really-different-things-and-perhaps-dont-always-go-together/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> to IHM's post</b></span></span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #990000;">Pubs in Andhra officially Reserved for Men? - </b><a href="https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/pubs-in-andhra-to-be-officially-reserved-for-men/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a><b style="color: #990000;"> to IHM's post</b></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">// Till then, avoid walking in such filthy traps. I know, it violates zillions of your constitutional rights mentioned in Class XII political science textbook but in our country, these rights are only on paper. We dont have the will or manpower for their implementation. This is not a permanent solution but a preventaive measure to buy time till solutions are implemented. </span></span></i><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">Till a cure of AIDS is not found, it is better to compromise on your </span><span style="text-align: left;">right of having unprotected sex .</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span></i><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">Prevention is better than cure. </span></span></i><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: left;">Stay safe. //</span></span></i></div>
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<b style="color: #990000;">Being infected with AIDS because of consensual, unprotected sex based on personal judgement is not a violation of one's rights. Whereas being assaulted for celebrating New Year's is a gross violation of one's right to dignity and freedom.</b></div>
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b>We are not seeking 'prevention' at the expense of violation of human rights. Asking women to stay at home or face threats of assault is as gross a violation of human rights as assaulting women. We are seeking empowerment to be able to move freely and securely without having to face threats of assault and risk being blamed for it. Prevention is not even practical in this case. If I were to avoid all the spaces where I could potentially get assaulted, I would never leave my house where my husband has legal rights to rape me under the current Indian law.</b></span></div>
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<b style="color: #990000;">Slavery could never have been banned if slaves were 'suggested' to adjust and continue serving their masters till masters are educated about the wrong aspects of slavery. Likewise, if women are 'suggested' to stay away from public spaces to 'avoid' assaults, assaulters will never learn that they are wrong in assaulting a woman irrespective of what they think of the woman's character.</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; text-align: left;">Author has added this Edit after some replies criticised his stance: <i>//</i></span><span style="color: #333333; font-style: italic;">It seems from the comments that </span><b style="color: #333333; font-style: italic;">advising </b><span style="color: #333333; font-style: italic;">(and not dictating) people to have situational awareness, asking them to analyze and foresee hazardous situations is itself a crime. //</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #990000;">Women have been 'advised' since centuries to follow umpteen number of rules by patriarchal societies, lest they be assaulted or punished for their disobedience and be blamed for crimes against themselves. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, I think it would be better for confused people such as this author to refrain from passing on their 'suggestions' till they fully understand the importance of uncompromisingly upholding human rights.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Recommended reads:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. A response to: Why we think women activists should change their attitude of "Wear what you think - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J8ifuHyHjk"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a> to IHM's post</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Watch Satyamev Jayate episode on Fighting rape to fully understand how rape culture works in our country - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J8ifuHyHjk"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Related posts:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. If every we dealt with every act of sexual harassment this way .... - <a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.in/2013/12/if-we-dealt-with-every-act-of-sexual.html"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-40019491271348572552017-01-05T01:56:00.000-08:002017-01-05T05:56:38.001-08:00Aahista chal zindagi - A new year treat<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a new year treat, I am sharing this beautiful poem written by an anonymous poet. I actually came across it on Whatsapp during last new year when it was being circulated. The forward says it's written by Gulzar but I couldn't trace any source to confirm this, and any original source to link this to, so I am just pasting it here - It doesn't matter who wrote it. It is as beautiful as it is touching:</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Aahista chal zindagi, abhi kai karz chukana baaki hai<br>Kuch dard mitana baaki hai, kuch farz nibhana baaki hai<br>Raftaar mein tere chalne se kuchh rooth gaye, kuch chhoot gaye<br>Roothon ko manana baaki hai, roton ko hasana baki hai<br>Kuch hasraatein abhi adhuri hain, kuch kaam bhi aur zaruri hai<br><khwahishen baki="" br="" dafnana="" dil="" gayi="" ghut="" hai="" iss="" jo="" mein="" unko="">Kuch rishte ban kar toot gaye, kuch judte-judte chhoot gaye</khwahishen></i></span><br>
<i>Un toote-chhoote rishton ke zakhmon ko mitana baki hai</i><br>
<i>Tu aage chal main aata hoon, kya chhod tujhe ji paunga?</i><br>
<i>In saanson par haqq hai jinka, unko samjhaana baaki hai</i><br>
<i>Aahista chal zindagi, abhi kai karz chukana baki hai</i><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So how does the new year feel? To me, it feels like one of my favorite songs which soothes the mind, stirs the soul and gives hope. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Music defines a language of its own and speaks differently to everyone, and somehow, I never found </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Phir Le Aaya Dil</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> to be a tragic romantic song. Rekha Bharadwaj's voice captivated me first and the lyrics made me fall in love with the song. The lines make me introspect, seek hope and calm myself. The music and Rekha Bharadwaj's voice sound at once both reflective and hopeful, as though one is trying to seek lost memories and fulfil the past.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Enjoy listening to it here - I particularly love Rekha Bharadwaj's rendering of this song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4qBfcF6KK0&t=1371s">link</a></span><br>
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Sharing my favorite lines in the long penned by Sayeed Quadri:<br>
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<i>Dil keh raha use maqammal kar bhi aao woh jo adhoori si baat baaki hai.. woh jo adhoori si yaad baaki hai....</i><br>
<i>Dil keh raha use mayassar kar bhi aao woh jo dabi si aas baaki hai.. woh jo dabi si aanch baaki hai....</i><br>
<i>Dil keh raha use musalsal kar bhi aao woh jo rooki si raah baaki hai.. woh jo rooki si chaah baaki hai....</i><br>
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Translation:<br>
<i>The heart seeks me to fulfil that unfulfilled matter, that unfulfilled memory....</i><br>
<i>The heart seeks me to unveil that suppressed desire, that suppressed flame....</i><br>
<i>The heart seeks me to complete that unfinished path, that unfulfilled desire....</i><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Note</b>: If there is any authentic source which establishes the original source for the poem I shared, please notify me. I would be more than happy to link it here or take permission from the author.</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Related posts:</b></span><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Happy new year - </span><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.in/2017/01/happy-new-year.html" style="font-family: inherit;">Link</a><br>
<br>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-30403927033948397302017-01-02T09:13:00.000-08:002017-01-05T04:46:37.041-08:00Happy new yearHappy new year everyone!!<br />
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And....I am back!<br />
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So you got it right - my new year resolution is: <i>to write more</i>. Whether it is on this blog or elsewhere, I want to spend more time doing this one thing which I love to do. So this isn't a 'fix the problem' resolution. It is more of a but this is more of a 'let myself free' resolution which I am taking to do what I truly want to do rather than what I am supposed to do.<br />
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First things first. I'm sorry for the long, mysterious disappearance. I have no explanation to offer other than that I lost track and things got in between and well, I didn't create time for this. To be fairly honest, it is hard to explain how much I really missed this space. Let me just say that I feel alive typing this now. So many times my hands have itched to rant here, and for too long, I kept myself locked away whenever my mind wandered and my thoughts swayed with these winds.<br />
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And finally, with the new year, I decided that there is going to be no more of shutting myself up. Sometimes, it is good to <i>Let It Go </i>(yup, I've seen Frozen and loved it) and indulge yourself without restraints. So, here I am again, all unleashed, and all renewed, with the promise to turn these sporadic rants into frequent ones.<br />
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And last but not the least, thank you for still sticking to my blog! I wish everyone of my readers and their loved ones a very happy new year. I would also love to know what your new year resolution(s) is(are). Please drop in a comment if you wish. Wish you all the best in acting on them!<br />
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Hope you'll enjoy my future posts. I'll make sure there are more of them coming.<br />
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Cheers!!<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Related posts:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Ahista Chal Zindagi - A new year treat - </span><a href="http://frivolousreflections.blogspot.in/2017/01/aahista-chal-zindagi-new-year-treat.html">Link</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-85049724572018802332016-03-03T12:57:00.001-08:002016-03-06T22:06:43.420-08:00Turning into an insomniac<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Seriously, I am supposed to be sleeping now. And try as I might, I simply am not able to soothe my mind to sleep. Last few months have been very, very restless. So much so, that even though no less than 70 odd drafts sit in this blog, waiting to be finished, and some 50 more thoughts would have captured my attention strongly enough to translate them into ideas for more posts, I hardly published anything in the last 3 months. Guilty conscience... writer's block.. whatever the reason might be, I simply could not bring myself to complete any post, and the most I could do was extensively rework a few drafts. At this point, I really need to thank those of you who have persevered enough to still come back to this page, despite the prolonged inactivity. And more so for bearing with this rant, as I have no idea as to what exactly I am trying to convey through this post, except that I know I am blabbering randomly out of sleeplessness. Besides, there is not much that I <i>can</i> do at this hour. I sincerely hope I publish this post before I fully read it - I will never publish something like this if I <i>do</i> read it critically. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Just now, I almost considered discarding this post before I almost considering hitting Publish button instantly in the fear of adding to the list of unfinished posts. See, THAT'S the thing: It has been like that almost all the time in the last couple of months, with everything - not just blogging. Just when I brace myself to start afresh on any piece of work, I work myself into inaction out of restlessness about challenges and consequences. It happens often. I become frigid to block myself from everything, restlessness included. And I am close to turning nocturnal now. At times, I simply can't sleep, and today, I found myself to be Googling 'How to make yourself fall asleep' and 'How to avoid restlessness'. And I ended up whiling away some more time not sleeping and not becoming any closer to falling alseep. None of the online tips helped of course, because mine is a problem of lack of will than that of knowledge. I know all those tips already, and I did try deep breathing, emptying my brain of all thoughts etc., but some things are easier said than done. The source of restlessness is something which I can't do much about, and thinking about it is only increasing it. Sometimes, waiting periods can be cruel, but I guess it all boils down to how you can handle uncertainty.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And now, I was almost close to discarding this post again, because the guilty conscience is in operation, and is drawing my attention to the clock ticking away with. This again, is also something which has been happening almost all the time of late. When I am doing anything I enjoy, I feel restless about other important things which are due from me, and I again become inactive. As a result of this futile inaction on anything meaningful, I end up whiling away my time on random things which just keep me occupied enough to not let me think or act, like reading Harry Potter. I really should not be saying anything against Harry Potter books: they have been my faithful companions during tough phases. I hope they will get me out of the blackhole this time too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, my mobile battery is running out of power, and I have ranted enough. Thanks for reading till the end, and sorry for boring you with what can be surmised as inadequate, unsolicited excuses for not blogging regularly, and for not giving you a good post which I am sure you were hoping for. Honestly, I really care about you as a reader so I do promise to either be more regular in future or publish a better post next time (it's too ambitious to promise them both together, and I firmly believe in 'Under-promise, over-deliver'!).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I missed this space so much, it's hard to stop the rant! Good night...</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-19672958613669988582015-11-21T05:53:00.001-08:002015-11-21T05:53:04.452-08:00Around the News<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I share similar views as surmised in the quoted excerpts:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1) On the IS Attacks</b> - <a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2015/11/on-is-attacks.html" style="color: blue;">Link</a> by Melissa McEwan from Shakesville</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <i>...The attackers, whomever they may be and whatever their motives, went after the heart of progressive Paris. They did not attack the more touristy Champs-Elysées or Notre Dame, or the more bourgeois and conservative left bank, where most of the government ministries are located."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The reason for that is clear, from IS own literature: They are <a href="https://twitter.com/MazMHussain/status/665360711967776768" style="color: #874d4d; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">seeking to</span></a></i><i> "destroy the 'grayzone' of coexistence between Muslims & [non-Muslims in] the West." </i><span style="color: #990000;"><b><i>They want to provoke non-Muslim Westerners into Islamophobia and violent retribution, and force non-radical Muslims to choose sides.</i></b> </span>//</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <i>My sincerest condolences to those who have lost family, friends, neighbors, and/or colleagues in the IS attacks. I am so sorry. I am so sad and so angry for you. My sympathy to everyone in the communities which have been terrorized and continue to be terrorized, as well as to Muslims—and Sikhs and other people presumed to be Muslim—who will be targeted for violent retribution, for something they did not do.</i> //</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Please go through the full article: <a href="http://www.shakesville.com/2015/11/on-is-attacks.html" style="color: blue;">Link</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2) Appropriation of Bihar</b> - <a href="https://heartranjan.wordpress.com/2015/11/13/the-appropriation-of-bihar/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a> by Heartranjan from Heartranjan's blog</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">// <i><span style="color: #333333;">Now suddenly, everybody wants to talk about Bihar. </span><span style="color: #333333;">People who haven’t been to the state even once, have no idea what it was bifurcated into, or even the names of the parties contesting. Today, everybody wants a piece of Bihar. </span><span style="color: #333333;">And the entire discussion is from two view-points.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>1. Those who feel Bihar committed a gigantic mistake because by not voting for Modi. Which automatically means they didn’t vote for BJP, which automatically means they don’t want development. </i>//</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333;">// </span><i><span style="color: #333333;">The second opinion is of the kind I’d generously typecast as the ‘liberals’, which sadly, has been reduced to an anti-Modi brigand. // // </span><b><span style="color: #990000;">You think the Bihari voter gives a fuck about your issues? Have you lived in Bihar?</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"> Apart from stopping Modi, does anything else about the election affect you? To cheer for Laloo Prasad Yadav, the poster boy of bovine corruption puts in question your support all along for politics free of corruption and dynastical politics.</span></i><span style="color: #333333;"> //</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333;">// </span><i><span style="color: #333333;">Bihar has its own issues to deal with. </span><b><span style="color: #990000;">Appropriating Bihar to fill the colour of the lens you see the world with, doesn’t amount to jackshit.</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"> </span></i><span style="color: #333333;">//</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Please go through the full article: </span><a href="https://heartranjan.wordpress.com/2015/11/13/the-appropriation-of-bihar/"><span style="color: blue;">Link</span></a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1534317358887696227.post-13069821415178084082015-11-18T10:21:00.002-08:002021-06-22T14:04:52.537-07:00B.I.T.C.H. Diaries - 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Babe.In.Total.Control.Of.Herself</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">'Damn all the bra straps! Damn all the bras!!', Madhoo muttered to herself, as she rushed into the nearest loo in the airport to adjust the length of her bra strap. She just got out of a 2 hour flight where she suddenly realized half-way through that her bra strap was hurting her back pretty badly. Left with no choice but to wait till she finds some private space to remove her bra and put it back on, she spent the next one hour cursing whoever responsible for popularizing bras and recapping some of her bra problems...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She first started wearing bras when she was in high school. She was introduced to the concept by one of her busybody aunts who advises everyone on all that is about their well-being and makes it her business, a certain class of relatives one can never run out of in India. To be fair, her aunt had been nice enough to take her shopping and help her out with picking her first bra. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Back then, she found it exciting for a while as she was at the start of puberty. But as age grew on her, the proverbial 'fascination is short-lived' idiom turned out to be true and she started discovering all possible annoyances that can be manifested through bras.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For one thing, she almost always managed to buy the wrong size, and it took her years to learn and detect when she should revisit her measurements. As she thought of that, the hurt in her back reminded her that the time has come for her to go bra-shopping again. For another, she has tried all versions of them: the padded ones, wired ones, lace ones, backless ones, front open designs, stick-ons - you name the model and she would have tried it from a range of brands, only to discover the flaws in each one. Most of the bras she purchased spending good money turned out to be nightmares and she knew she would be staying miles away from the wired ones after the wire in her most expensive inner came out and cut through her skin once. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Finally, age has made her wise enough to realize that somethings just don't work for you however fancy they may be labeled as.</span></div>
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It has been two years since she overcame her apprehensions and completely stopped wearing bras at home. And she ruefully wished for a day when women don't have to feel any compulsion to wear bras when they go out. <span style="font-family: inherit;">True, they do help in making one look sexy, which is useful at times, and often make you look better, but then, they are really not worth it, once you consider all the trouble. Besides, there are other aids to help you look sexy...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Giving a sigh of relief now that she has adjusted her bra strap, coupled with the happy thought that she can be bra-free in an hour, Madhoo headed towards the cab counter along with her suitcase. As soon as she got into the cab, she texted her parents that she landed safely. That reminded her that it has been a while since she visited her parents. Too many things to plan... And she switched her thoughts to the fun she had over the weekend. It has been an amazing trip. She got some really good girlfriend-time which was much-needed. She bought three new dresses, went through all the new additions to each of her friends' closets, and lazed around for one whole day chit-chatting and venting out with her friends, an activity she has always considered to be therapeutic. She then wondered about what she was doing to do for dinner when a nasty thought cut through her mind: She has to go to office the next day...</span></div>
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<b>P.S.:</b> This is my first piece of fiction. You are one of my first-readers and are special to me. I would really love to hear what you think of it. Please do comment.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7